I’ve become a very loyal listener of Anything Goes, meaning I’ve picked up on small details Emma may slide into her recordings. I noticed that throughout a couple of her episodes, she is extremely loose with the word “friends”– referring to people she hardly knows as her friends. Just based on the context she gives, I wouldn’t have assumed they were. I’ve seen this in other places of my life too; and just based on my observations and personal experiences, I think we as a society use the term very loosely.
Why are we so loose with the term?
As someone currently in their freshman year of college, I want to befriend everyone. Everyone I meet and like I want to become friends with. Why? Because socializing is fun and necessary. It’s not rocket science nor uncommon in the least. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be friends with people, however, I think when we use a term too loosely it loses its meaning.
There are other terms to refer to people who we know but aren’t friends with; mutual friend, classmate, co-worker, acquaintance. There’s a lot and that’s okay.Â
I do believe social media has allowed this idea of “friends.” It’s become very easy to stay in touch with people, to the point where it has become more difficult to realize whether someone is still in your life or not. South Park made an episode about this very topic called You Have 0 Friends which showed how people become consumed with social media and directly associate their followers with real friends. This isn’t a 100% accurate translation of real life, but the episode still shows the power social media tries to hold in people’s everyday lives.
Now, I think social media has made it easier to stay in touch and to get to know people. I mean, if it wasn’t for Instagram, I don’t think I’d be friends with nearly as many people as I am friends with now. I will say, social media can make the line blurry of who we consider important vs. unimportant in our lives. I can’t touch too much on this topic, as everyone’s situation is different and I can only ever speak for myself.Â
The other side of the spectrumÂ
So we’ve looked at the side of people who use the term too loosely, but what about those who refuse to refer to most of their social circle as their friends? This is a much smaller group of people, though I have fallen into this category. I’ve experienced anxiety from naming people as my friends. I am afraid of jinxing myself, and suddenly, we no longer hang out. Sometimes a relationship moves past its initial phase, and sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, it is okay if a relationship doesn’t go as you hoped.Â
The solution
I don’t have any solutions to the friend dilemma. I can only speak for myself and observe others. I’m not going to call someone I met one time my friend, but we can certainly become friends. That’s the main reason why I think we can hold off on the term because relationships grow. For example, I met a girl my senior year of high school at an event and we had followed each other on Instagram. We ended up both going to the same college and are now going to be roommates next semester.
Things change and people you would never have thought you’d see again end up coming back in interesting ways. Our classmate, our mutual friend, etc. can graduate from their initial titles, or you may never speak again, but I have accepted it. Even though I wish I could say I have a million friends, I don’t. I’m perfectly comfortable saying “yeah she’s my neighbor” instead of “she’s my friend” because we’re not friends. You can still enjoy each other’s presence without calling each other friends, and you can always become friends. You can always change your circumstances, even if you never move past the initial stage of where you met, and that’s completely fine.
At the end of the day it doesn’t matter too much of what you call someone. However, we should be comforted by the idea that relationships change and we must embrace the process.
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