Here are some thoughts we all have while suffering through the “UD Plague” because face it, illness spreads around here like wildfire. Don’t be surprised if this is you tomorrow!
1. It’s just allergies! I can’t possibly be getting sick already, I just got here! I’m totally healthy enough to go out, but maybe I’ll have a Cup o’ Noodles first.
2. Wow, allergies have never treated me this badly before. Stuffy nose, cough and I can’t hear a thing! But maybe that’s because of the loud music at the frat last night. I’m just fine!
3. I’m totally going to Main Street to shop with my roommate! Wow, getting out of bed was a bad choice, I feel like I was hit by a bus. Is it from dancing at the frat last night? From all the walking? I hope so.
4. I feel like crap. I should stay home from class. Do I have a fever? How can I even check, I don’t have a thermometer. Where’s my mom when I need her? I guess I’ll just pop some Dayquil and rally.
5. Five people in my 9 am have legit boxes of tissues on their desks. Like actual boxes of Kleenex, not some tiny packet. This is the real deal. Why didn’t I think of that?
6. Time to get back to the dorm and sleep for the rest of the day! People on the bus are avoiding sitting next to me for once. Is this a superpower? I finally have a seat to myself! But is it really worth it?
7. Now I have the whole nine yards of the UD Plague. Runny nose, body aches, chills and then hot flashes, headache, waves of nausea — what else could possibly go wrong with my immune system?
8. Finally in bed! The blinds are shut and I am totally prepared for some hardcore Netflix watching. Wait, was that my last tissue? No way I’m running to Walgreens for another box. Not getting out of bed.
9. Ok, back on the bus and headed to Walgreens. I apologize to everyone else on here. While I’m at Walgreens, I’ll pick up some Ben and Jerry’s too because I’m worth it and am also completely miserable.
10. Headed back to the dorm again with my boys Ben and Jerry and some Kleenex. God, tissues and ice cream? I must look like a depression ad. Not to mention my nose is red and my eyes are watering. Stop staring, it’s not what it looks like!
11. Back in bed, time to crash. Twinkle lights plugged in, How I Met Your Mother queued up, box of tissues in one hand and Half-Baked Ben and Jerry’s in the other. I’ll survive… maybe.
12. This is the end!. I can’t even sleep. I need to blow my nose every three seconds.
13. Wow, I feel way better. Or maybe this is the eye of the hurricane. I should probably spend one more day in bed. No harm, right?
So, if you haven’t already been viciously ridden by the UD Plague, your time will come, just wait. It’ll hit you hard so make sure to take advantage of the POD, they will have most of your survival needs on hand!