With an increase in conversation about personal sexual assault instances happening recently, I decided to share my story.
For a brief period of time in the summer of 2019, I was in a relationship with a boy who attended my university. Coincidentally, we had actually met during our middle school years and reconnected once at college. The relationship began like many college hookups. It wasn’t serious at first, but with enough manipulation from him, I finally agreed to a full committed relationship. I later found out that there were multiple girls in his life at the time.
In the middle of the summer, about two months into our relationship, he came over to my house during the day while my family was at work. At first, the sex began as consensual. As it continued, it became obvious that he was not going to finish, so I suggested we stop. It was hurting at this point. I told him “I don’t want to do this anymore.” I also explicitly used the word “no.” Despite this, he continued to ask for me to give him a blow job, and I refused. Eventually, he pressured me enough, and we continued to have sex. I laid there on my back in a complete haze, staring at my mirror, waiting for it to be over. Eventually, it ended and I rushed him out of my house, using my job as an excuse.
I felt disgust and total rage towards him. I could not focus on my job later that day. I felt betrayed and like I could not trust him ever again. I confided in close friends and family. I told them the whole story. But no one believed it could be classified as rape or sexual assault. I was told what he did wasn’t completely right, but because I eventually consented to the sex, it was fine and just a blimp in our relationship. So I stayed. I stayed with a boy who made me anxious all the time. I eventually hit my breaking point in my mental health and left. But I begged him to try again, to stay with me through therapy, to work it all out.
It is hard to realize a person you love may be manipulative or an abuser. It is hard to walk away. It is especially hard when your support system invalidates your belief that you were raped. After learning a lot more, I am confident enough to classify what happened as rape. Just because a woman was convinced to say yes, it does not mean the sex was consensual. This can take a long time for people to come to terms with and it is definitely important to seek help. If possible, speak to a therapist. I regret not speaking to officials when it happened, which unfortunately is not always helpful anyway. I regret a lot, but I am happy that I have taken steps in order to come to terms with this and have received the appropriate resources. Not everyone is in the position to do this. I want people to know they are not alone. And I want to share this story so more people can relate and see that there is a possibility of a good ending. I wish I was at the point where I could disclose my name or even his.
I was raped by a skinny, white, frat boy who destroyed my mental health. We live in a world where rape is glorified by the culture of Greek life and this desperately needs to change. But I’m growing mentally and am currently in a very loving relationship with someone who respects my boundaries.
No will always mean no.
National sexual assault hotline : 1-800-656-4673
Sexual Assault victim resources : https://www.healthline.com/health/sexual-assault-resource-guide