This is for the men on the streets,
in the malls, and at the bus stops who catcall us,
We are not interested.
This is for the men who feel entitled
to tell us how attractive we are or
how much they want to get in our pants,
We are not interested.
This is for the men who look at us from head to toe
and lick their lips while thinking about
what they want to do to us,
We are NOT interested.
Being a woman means that you will receive unwanted attention all the time. I mean ALL the time. You could be minding your own business ordering some food at a fast food restaurant, you could be shopping with your mom or friends, or you could be waiting for the bus on your way home. You will receive unwanted attention from someone who feels the need to tell you what they are thinking. Someone who feels entitled to make you feel uncomfortable or disrespected.
This week, I experienced something that I have experienced millions of times before. I was standing at the Tim Horton’s line waiting to order when I was approached by an older man. He said, “Hey there, are you 18 years old? Because, if you are, I just wanted to tell you that you are a beautiful woman, so I hope that you are 18.” I had noticed him looking at me right before I got in line, but hadn’t paid much attention to it at first. I decided to ignore him and act like I hadn’t heard what he had said. I was hoping he would take that as a hint and walk away. Unfortunately, that didn’t work because some men simply just don’t care. Sometimes, you need to speak up with confidence and tell them to kindly stop talking to you. So I told him, “No thanks but I am 16.” and I looked the other way. I didn’t really care if I was being rude or not because this man was looking at me like I was his snack for the day. I lied and said I was underage, hoping again that he would leave me alone. I could tell by the way he spoke and his body language that he did not have good intentions. Don’t get me wrong, I have received compliments from many people who have genuinely told me that I am beautiful and I have thanked them for it. But I will not thank a man who looks at me in a disrespectful way, especially when the first thing he asks me is if I am of legal age. No thank you.
As the day went on, I told this little story to my boyfriend and some of my coworkers and I laughed it off. My friends thought it was creepy, as did I, and so we ranted about all the unwanted things women hear every single day. At this point, I was not bothered by it anymore, until I was on my way home. During my commute, I experienced more unwanted stares from older men. See, this is something that happens on the daily and I usually don’t notice it, but today was different because of what had happened earlier that morning. I was a bit on edge with the issue and I began to notice it more than usual. I could feel myself losing patience and getting angrier with the people around me. When I got home, I found myself in a bad mood. I reflected on my day and wondered why I was feeling like this. It all traced back to what had happened earlier that morning. As much as I was used to it, it was really infuriating me. So I went ahead and posted about it in a local group for Edmonton women. I posted my experience, quoting what the man had said and why I felt personally attacked by it. I began to receive comments stating “This isn’t creepy he was just calling you beautiful”, “On the bright side, he cared that you were legal”, “I wouldn’t take it so personally, he was just being nice”. I was so shocked by the responses from these women. I instantly felt invalidated for feeling upset about what I experienced that morning. It almost felt wrong for wanting to rant about it to women who I thought would understand because they have likely experienced things like this in their lives.
As an unforgiving powerful woman, I will always believe that it is important for women to never downplay or shrug off any unwanted attention, catcalling, and any indecent propositions that we may receive. We have every right to feel disrespected and it is completely valid to feel upset about it. If another woman makes you feel bad about feeling this way, please call them out on it. We have every right to not want this attention. I don’t care if it is something as minor as being called beautiful. If I don’t want to receive that attention, I don’t have to be nice about it. It is not a compliment if it makes you uncomfortable. You do not have to be nice to anyone if you are creeped out by them. Do not say sorry for ignoring people who make you feel like you are being preyed on. The world that we are living in is not as innocent or genuine as we want it to be. I will never understand those who shrug off creeps because they don’t want to be rude. As my favourite podcasters would say; “F*ck politeness!” and you do you girl.
Finally, this is a call to action for women. Do not feel like you have to be nice to anyone who puts you in situations like this. You have every right to defend yourself and to protect yourself. Don’t say sorry for the unwanted attention that you receive. Stay sexy and stand up for yourself!