Living with regret is probably the hardest thing to deal with. I ask myself “what if?” about one thousand times a day.
“What if I had never quit cheerleading?”
“What if I had stayed in high school one more year like I was supposed to?”
“What if I had actually gotten into my dream college?”
On the surface, all of these regrets may seem minuscule and unimportant, but I don’t just think about them as fleeting events or moments. I think about how different my life would be had I done (or not done) all the things I have on my “regret list.”
Now, of course, I talk to everyone about this list. If there’s anything I have mastered, it’s the art of oversharing everything that goes on in my mind (hence this article). The top answer I receive every. single. time is “stop thinking about the past and just live in the moment.”
That is no doubt easier said than done. I find it incredibly hard to get over things when I am constantly overthinking and overanalyzing my every move- which is definitely my number one problem.
And you know what? I am tired. Exhausted, even. So instead of brushing off this piece of advice that everyone and their mother has been giving me for the past 18 years, I’ve decided that I am going to take it.
*Round of applause*
Yes, I have actually started to try and live in the moment- to soak up the present and enjoy the time I have while I’m still kickin’. I do catch myself thinking about things that could’ve been, but like everything in life, it’s a work in progress.
You may be asking, “what are you doing differently?” and the answer is a lot. But I will give you only a few examples.
Here is Gia’s (Working) List of Improvements:
- Yoga
Every morning, I try to do at least 15 minutes of yoga. Now, I am certainly not a pro by any means and I actually think I might be doing a handful of these poses incorrectly. But that’s beside the point. The point is, I like it and it makes me feel good. That kind of thinking is exactly what I’m going for here. No self-judgment and no overanalyzing, because all that does is suck out the fun (it also goes against my whole self-improvement thing). Who doesn’t want to have fun, right? Especially when it comes to something like working out. I would rather NOT have it feel like a chore. Speaking of fun…
- Reading
Back in the day, I was probably the most avid reader ever. I mean there was nothing anyone could have done to get me to put my book down. I even remember staying up way past my bedtime to read. READ. Not watch TV, not play video games, but to finish the book I had started. I remember any time I heard my mom’s footsteps, I would shoot out of bed, shut off the lights, and pretend I was sleeping. But all of that came to a screeching halt when I became obsessed with social media and traded my books for my phone.
But now… I’m back, baby! I picked up reading again. And let me tell you, I feel like I am back to my childhood years. I don’t want to go to sleep until I finish. I tell myself “one more chapter won’t hurt,” and then wake up the next morning absolutely exhausted. Honestly, it’s all worth it. I don’t just read at night though, I now bring a book everywhere I go and hope to get a few pages in between whatever I’m doing- which brings me to the next thing on my list.
- Going outside
Like everyone, this pandemic has kicked my ass. In the past months, I had been locked up inside for so long I felt like I was going to end up like Jack Torrance (what’s funny is, I have never seen that movie but this was too good of a reference to pass up). Being inside and isolated definitely takes a mental toll on a person, especially when you have nothing to do other than be alone with your thoughts. So, what better remedy than the outdoors.
While I didn’t really go outside much prior to the pandemic, it made me reflect on all of the days that I spent in air conditioning, with the blinds shut, that I could have spent taking in the sun and listening to the bees buzzing. Now, I spend pretty much every single day hammocking in Plant Park beside the not-so-glorious Hillsborough River. And let it be known that my mental health has improved so much. I feel so grounded in nature and I actually want these moments to stay forever. I definitely feel more present.
- Trust
Something that I learned from my father (if you’re reading this, shoutout to you Cease) is that you have to have some trust. In yourself, and in whatever higher power you believe in (whether that be the universe or God). Because whether I like it or not, I am on the path I am supposed to be on, doing the things that I was destined to do.
It has taken me a good while to actually come to terms with this because I like to believe that I am in complete control and that everything that happens to me or around me is because I chose for it to happen. As you can imagine, that is a lot of weight to carry. But, I am unlearning my ways and putting some faith into both God and the Universe (because I simply cannot choose what to believe in). And I can confirm that it’s easier to brush off those annoying “what if” thoughts when you understand that you are where you’re supposed to be in life.
So what does this list of improvements have to do with my list of regrets? Simple. I don’t have time to think about all of the things that I could’ve done or could’ve been or could’ve had in the past because I am too busy enjoying my time now.
If you’re reading this, I implore you to do some self-reflecting. Look into your life, and I mean really look, and see what you can change that would make you a happier, more fulfilled person. Hell, make your own “List of Improvements” (and of course, DM them to me @giamariebeltran! Hehe self-promo). You’ll definitely find a new hobby OR fall back in love with old ones (like I did).
So get out there!