How many times have you heard someone say (or have said yourself), that you are… “Not like other girls”?
I used to take this as a compliment, but now I have begun to wonder what is wrong with being like other girls? Am I flattered that someone thinks that I’m unique or am I proud of the fact that I am somehow better than they are? Now I don’t know about you, but for me it was the latter.
I grew up as a tomboy who refused to ever wear anything but a baggy tee and jeans, loathing pink and anything remotely girly. I stuck to my rock music and hid away in the basement playing the NES. Now nothing was wrong with my actions, the problem lies with my thoughts. I thought that by being “girly” or “feminine” I was somehow weak and that by hanging out with my brother I was somehow better. Because when I was “one of the guys” I didn’t have to be quiet or clean or well-mannered –at least that’s what I thought. Henslin, in his piece, On Becoming a Male: Reflections of a Sociologist, acknowledged that some girls will try to emanate boys, “The encroachment comes from tomboys who strive to become part of our world. We tolerate them – up to a point…we let them know that there are irrevocable differences that forever separate us.”. By saying this he is trying to highlight the idea that the social construct of femininity and masculinity is ingrained into us, causing us to believe that “girls live in a world foreign to [boys]. Theirs is quieter, neater, daintier, and in general more subdued… We are glad that we are not one of ‘them.'”
The keyword there is them. I believed that by becoming one of the guys, I was being allowed their freedoms. And though it was true that adults often treated me differently because I was girl, it was also true that I was not allowing myself to see past what they thought were my limitations. But ultimately, I am the one who gets to decide what I want to do. And I enjoy the things I do because I love them, not because I have anything to prove. I don’t game and listen to rock music to get the attention of guys. I do it because it gives me a sense of nostalgia and quenches my thirst for competition.
So yes, it is offensive when you ask if I actually play video games and yes it is satisfying to see that I beat your high score. And yes, it is unreasonable when you ask me if I know every song that my favorite band has ever played and yes it is amusing to see you confuse all of their lyrics. But I’m not happy because I proved that I am what you deem to be masculine, I am happy because I am doing something that I love. I can wear makeup and dress up because I want to. I can cook and I can do musical theatre because I want to. But also I can wind down at the end of the day, blasting Three Days Grace and running a rift on Diablo because I want to.