Finding the good in goodbye — lessons my breakup taught me

I’ll be the first to say it; breakups suck. I don’t think there’s any easy way around the initial sting of it all. The shift from sharing most of your time & energy with a person, to being abruptly removed from one another’s lives is hard as a b*tch first. I’ll admit it’s a reason I held on longer than I should’ve. But finally having the courage to walk away from a relationship that wasn’t good for me anymore has taught me lessons and cleared my vision in ways I’m so grateful for.

Over the past few months of being newly single, the most liberating realization I’ve come to is that I don’t have to let anyone dictate how I view my self-worth. It can be easy to allow a person’s words and actions affect things like your self-esteem, mood, decisions, and overall happiness. Don’t trip!! Remember to love yourself first — your true worth comes from within.

Like most relationships, my ex and I started out happy AF. The excitement was there, we laughed constantly, and the little things he did brought me the feeling of importance that I thought I needed. Our lives became meshed over our four years together, but gradually our fire burnt out.

Looking back, I realize I justified the faults in our relationship as us just being “comfortable.” It’s okay to be comfortable, but there’s a difference between that and going through the motions unemotionally. I settled for being taken for granted, and was talked to in ways I should’ve never stood for. Constantly rationalizing situations to friends with a typical “we were just arguing over something stupid, but we’re good now.” If this sounds like something you’re going through, hear me out. 

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been with someone or how attached you might feel — no one is worth compromising your happiness. “No one is you and that is your power.” I know it sounds cliché, but it’s true. In hindsight, I dimmed down parts of myself in an attempt to try fitting in places that I just didn’t anymore. Know that it’s okay to outgrow people, and never confine yourself to circumstances out of fear or comfort. You’re meant to grow.

 I guess my point here is, never shrink down to please anyone. There are certain things that people will either love or hate about you. You can’t please everyone, and luckily you don’t have to. Be yourself entirely & unapologetically, and don’t settle for any less than those who value you exactly as you are. Xx

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