I’ve sat on this article for the past few weeks, not knowing what to say or how to say it as things unfolded. What is there to say when the bad just gets worse? When you aren’t even shocked by the level of corruption and hate within this world? As Kavanaugh testified and eventually was confirmed, as a bill very near and dear to my heart, SB 320, was vetoed because politicians wouldn’t take a real stand, and the same-sex spouses of diplomats were denied their right to visas, I was left an empty and shell-shocked. My normal anxiety and depressive levels definitely took a hit. I kept trying to check in my loved ones, so many of them having experienced various instances of sexual assault, to see how they were and if they were taking care of themselves during these potentially triggering events.
Much of my sunny disposition was stripped from my core (there is a reason why those who are close to me call me Sunshine), making me feel less like myself than ever. I felt and still feel dull, numb to the world that we live in. I knew that I wanted to tap into my anger, that I wanted to become filled with a fire in my gut that would push me forward towards groundbreaking solutions, but I couldn’t find it. I have been so scared of the potential of my own anger for such a long time that I didn’t think it was possible for me to find it. I was stalled so much that I couldn’t even let out my sadness, the grief of losing a battle I and others had fought so long for, or even the general frustration about living in a country that doesn’t hear the voices and stories of women and survivors as valid or true (you ask why we don’t come forward, it’s because when we do our institutions don’t want to listen).
So I was stuck, or so I felt for a while. What pulled me out of this thinking you ask? What gave me hope? While it’s not as simple as I want to make it seem, a lot of my strength, love, and determination comes from the people around me. My sister, my mom, my best friends, my activist communities and organizations never cease to amaze me. They are people with so much heart and passion that I know by looking at them there is the assurance of hope. No matter what the future holds in store they won’t stop fighting for their future because they have lived through so much. I won’t stop fighting because I have made it this far and I’ll be damned if I don’t keep living.
They make me think of a quote from a Dylan Thomas poem, the speaker says, “Do not go gentle into that good night. // Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” (Thomas 18-19). We can’t keep standing idly by as the government sides with the oppressors: the rich, the corrupt, the violent, the white, or the power hungry. There has to be action and love in spite of the hatred that spews from the veins of our nation’s capital and some of its citizens. Seeing all who took to the steps of the capital and the Supreme Court is invigorating. We need to show our opposition! We need to use our voices because that is our most powerful weapon.
So you’re probably asking, “Alright Natalie, that sounds great and all but are you just going to sing Kumbaya and think that this action will happen? What are you going to do about it? What should I do now?” and you are completely right. Now what? On the level of mainstream politics and going with the system, it is so, so important that you are registered to vote for this midterm election. As we have seen with the confirmation of Kava-nope, our legislators and local officials hold so much power in swaying the tides of history and policy change. You can register to vote here, but remember each state has registration and voting rules so get registered ASAP. Another thing to do is get involved. Join activist clubs on campus surrounding causes that you are passionate about (and if you don’t see one then make one), Campus United for Reproductive Equity and Vagina Monologues have done a wonderful on Sonoma State’s campus. Get involved volunteering with local organizations because so much great work comes from the ground up. It sounds simple but in the end, your efforts can be revolutionary.
The biggest thing we have to keep in mind is that there is value in numbers. We need to make our voices heard and support the voices of others that should be heard and haven’t. Show up for rallies, marches, and the day-to-day work within our lives. All I can say is that if we keep working and have hope within our hearts then the world can’t surrender completely to the darkness. Dare to be happy, to be loud, to be soft, to be vulnerable, to be fucking angry because there is validity and strength in our genuine emotions. While things may not be getting any easier, I can guarantee you one thing WE’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
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