Today I saw you… I saw you in a different way that I am not used to. Usually it’s the uncontrollable butterflies in my stomach, the nervousness that came over me when you look at me, the shivers you used to send all over my body when you smiled and hugged me but now… Now I look at you and I feel regret and hurt. All the things I let you do to me because I cared and I wanted you… every inch of you. All the nights I spent not being able to sleep because of how you treated me for just loving you. I spent countless hours and days crying over you not understanding why you would hurt me so bad… not understanding why you wouldn’t love me back.
I passed so many men up because they weren’t you. Not the person I wanted touching nor holding me. I would’ve given you anything and everything you wanted from me. I just couldn’t let you go no matter how hard I tried. Talked to my girls about it thinking it will ease me and give me motivation to leave you behind, but it didn’t. Every time they said “girl he is nothing “, “he doesn’t deserve you”, “all he does is abuse the fact that you haven’t left his side no matter what he has put you through”. I agreed, but still found myself in your bed…
Then we are good for a couple weeks then it’s back to the heartache…
Back to my breathing exercises…
Back to the sleepless nights hoping you will call or text…
Back to the tears…
Back to praying for God to relieve me from the depression that won’t seem to let me go…
Then you text me out of nowhere…
Back through the cycle…
Back to you I go…
But then today I saw you… I saw you and I felt chains fall off of me…
The cycle has ended…