Everyone thinks that once you turn 18 or 19, you’re independent and that’s when your life changes. You are either off to college, jumping into the workforce or entering the military. Who knows? One thing is for sure, we’re all on our own path.
My path was to immediately go to college as most students typically choose to do once they graduate high school. Not because I wanted a career, but because I genuinely love learning and it has always been a dream of mine to obtain higher education. Once I started my first semester, I was ecstatic. I didn’t end up going to my dream college which was a total bummer, but I really enjoy college here at Sacramento State. I know that I will continue to pursue higher education no matter what, so even if I didn’t go to my dream school, I know I can accomplish a lot right here at Sacramento State before I move on to other educational institutions.
As a new college student, I learned a lot of lessons; some of which I was somewhat prepared for and some that definitely caught me off guard.
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I became familiar with a new feeling that was never a part of my life before, which is loneliness. You’ll meet a lot of amazing people that you learn to love and appreciate to be around. Regardless, we all have our own plans so staying in touch is hard. It’s hard to part ways with these amazing individuals, but that doesn’t mean I can’t keep in touch with them when it’s possible.
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I learned budgeting is hard. The first few months I just kept buying food and shopping for useless items. I was so used to not having money but when I started to make my own, I went a little out of control. Even though I tried setting up a budget, it never worked out. I didn’t organize my spendings well nor did I have self-control (well probably a tiny bit). Now I’ve improved! I set a certain amount I would spend and I would compare prices more to find better deals. For example, instead of spending money on food every day on campus, I either make my own lunch or my mom helps me prepare some dishes to bring to school. I always stop and think about my financial choices, or at least most of the time.
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I became aware of how much people can change, including myself. People I have known since middle school are all at different universities and with different values and personalities. Some people I used to know for so long decided to not associate themselves with me, which made me angry and upset. I felt abandoned and disrespected. My memories and history with my past friends have seemed meaningless to them. Not only that, I have struggled with mental health issues, and even now I’m working on it. Mental health plays a huge role in shaping my personality. I’ve become more distant, thoughtful and quiet. I’ve also become more mature and responsible in how I handle my time with work and school as well as strengthening my relationships.
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I learned more about my passion for health studies. Previously, I questioned myself for the past 5 years of pursuing nursing. I wondered if it was the right choice. I interned and volunteered at several health organizations and hospitals. I was a part of health-related programs and clubs and helped host many health fairs. I’ve learned a variety of health skills and went on a bunch of field trips where I got to explore the health field more. I took a chemistry course specifically for nurses and I passed with an A. I put in a lot of effort to see if this was something I wanted to do. What I figured out was that I did love health, but I don’t think nursing is the right choice for me.
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Along the way, I learned that I’m not being completely true to myself. I have different sides of me, but there was always this one side of me that I kept suppressed as a kid and I’ve realized that it’s meant to be expressed and embraced. I haven’t allowed myself to be truly myself out of fear and shame. When I started to become more myself, I found myself succeeding more and leaning towards my true passion and career which was social work and mental health. I aspire to be a clinical therapist in the long term, but I hope to gain experience as a social worker.
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Adding to that, my fear of failure and judgment has caused me to doubt myself. I know that failing helps you learn and I love learning. Half of the time, I welcome failing. I’m not the typical person who runs away from it, but rather I push myself to do better. But in general, I don’t like feeling like a failure and I don’t like failing especially if I have my eyes set on a goal. Which is why I constantly put in a lot of effort to improve. Even still, there are times where my fears overwhelm my love for learning. I place a lot of my self-worth and value on how reliable I am and how I represent my work. Which in turn represents me. If someone judges it, I feel inadequate and insecure.
Overall, through my first semester of college was an enjoyable experience. I gained a lot of insight on who I am as a person and at the same time, I’m still confused. Nonetheless, it’s work in progress! I got the chance to meet unique and amazing people, such as my fellow classmates who have made me laugh and intelligent professors whom I got to learn a lot from. I was able to see my faults, but also my areas of growth. Most of it has been rough, but it was good to see where I’m at in life. I feel a lot of anxiety from these new challenges and changes, but I have created a support system on campus. I utilize the resources at the health center and seek support when I need it. I’ve become increasingly open to reaching out to others and opening up about my struggles. With the support, I was able to take things a step at a time and not overwhelm myself as much. I’m super excited to see how much I’ll grow and what’s in store for me these next few years of college.