I met my Aquaman of a boyfriend on the glorious dating app known as Hinge. Totally cliche in this day and age, I know. Why can’t we meet people in gross dive bars that smell like Jäger bombs and tears? Because I was taught about stranger danger, thank you very much. In retrospect, meeting someone online really isn’t the weirdest thing in the world. The biggest issue about meeting anyone online is telling them them what appears to be the harrowing truth: that I am a mildly eccentric bisexual.
When discussing this unavoidable fact Aquaman didn’t bat an eye. As a perk, he also didn’t drone on about how ‘hot’ it is that I’m bi. In the back of my head I thought “maybe he thinks he ‘cured’ me,” secretly fearing his inner homophobia was going to spread eagle all over my couch.
This never happened; there was no homophobia. This was amazing news. Someone who could strut down Church Street with me and be a part of what makes me, well… me. But there were a couple of things that needed to be learned.
On a rainy night in March also known as my day of birth, we hit up Woodys for some expensive shots and fabulous drag. Aquaman had never been to a drag show– he is from a small town in the USA right across the beautiful Canadian border. As we watched the ladies sashay and turn, Aquaman was in awe. The man was loving it and I was loving him. But I quickly realized there were things he needed to know. Not just about my sexuality, but the wonderful world that is the LGBTQIA+ community.
Considering that this is not taught in elementary or high school, I decided to enroll him in Sexuality 101– professor: me.
To many, this isn’t important. Because I am dating a cisgendered straight man and am a cisgendered woman there is a common assumption that I am indeed straight. I really don’t think that the average person understands that making these assumptions are dangerous. It perpetuates this idea of what is ‘normal’, and I have had people say that I am now in a ‘normal’ relationship. It makes me feel like part of my identity is vanishing because I decided to date this person who is of the opposite sex.
Don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t live under a rock (all Patrick Star like). He understands key concepts and is very open to all ideas and learning. But there are key ideas that have not been popularized in small towns. Asking people about their pronouns is one of them. I explained to him why this matters in our world, and learning about the different pronouns to make others comfortable. We also delved into the world of definitions. Quizzing him on other important terms like ‘asexual’ and ‘aromantic’.
Having these conversations with him was liberating. It allowed me to discuss something that makes me feel like me, as well as share knowledge that we both think is important. The show Sex Education really proved vital in this learning process. The show discusses how much you really are not taught in highschool. Growing up in Saudi Arabia, knowledge was not shared. So to understand what I felt and how others feel, self education mattered.
As we watched it together it was understandable that he had questions. I am in no way the dictionary on all things sex, but I felt that I had answers. Maybe not always the right answers, but answers nonetheless. As we talked, I realized how much we as a couple didn’t know, so we started learning and delved in.
I was totally feeling my teacher’s fantasy, even felt the urge to buy a whiteboard. I was excited to share a part of me that consistently felt like it was being put on the backburner. Not only did he listen, but he asked questions. Any teacher would be immensely proud in this level of participation. It felt like all the things that I wanted to ramble on for hours had a platform. And the fact is that he understood why these discussions matter. I know that may seem like a small thing– for someone to care, but when it is about who you are that has the potential to be a groundbreaking problem it feels like a major win.
Am I the all knowing teacher? No, I am not. But all the colours I am inside were being brought to light. That’s a little Shell Silverstein for you. In short, if you are a part of any community, sit someone down with a whiteboard and some markers and get to teaching. Some people want to be taught.