From a young age, we blindly got into the habit of setting certain expectations for significant others in our lives. It all started with Disney movies then slowly turned into Wattpad stories – the subject of every teenagers’ phase. We all fell in love with the well-written men and women in books and TV shows, unconsciously setting high expectations that only lead to disappointment. It raises a simple question: is this why we settle for the bare minimum? Is this why we can’t set realistic expectations? I believe that relationships should be fun and pleasurable––so when does a crush on a fictional character become too excessive?
I had the opportunity to interview some students from X University about what they have to say regarding the influence of fictional characters in the real world.
Isabella Monaco says that the obsession starts when you began to disassociate from your reality.
“You have reached too far if your entire life becomes them; you cannot sleep or do anything without thinking about them”, she says.
Valeria Vaquez says it becomes excessive when your expectations are so high that you let fictional characters get in between your personal life and relationships.
While every student that I interviewed had different crushes––some on Cedric Diggory from Harry Potter and some on Captain America––they all reached the same consensus that, at the end of the day, they just need a relationship with stability and security.
Bana Yirgalem, another student, talks about her own experience dealing with a different type of crush.
“[Even though] I do like possessive guys, I understand the toxicity that comes with it. It sounds good sometimes, but I know that it is not good”, adding that “something secure and stable is what I need.”
It is perceived that keeping such high expectations leads to loss. We think so highly of a person, that when they disappoint us, we expect that to be the bare minimum. So, do people now accept the bare minimum as the best they can get?
“I have always said this: the bar is so low,” Valeria admits. “We ask for things like hygiene and men will act like we have asked a lot from them.”
According to her, men have expectations too, but theirs are more unrealistic.
The women at X University do have high expectations, but they know their worth.
Sania Ali says that we are conditioned to compromise and accept people for how they are.
“We sometimes forget about our self-worth, and sometimes it is okay to walk away when things are toxic. I don’t know if it is only women, but we sometimes stay and try to change the other person and that does not work,” she says.
For years, we have been told that there is an ideal man out there waiting for us, but the media and society have played a huge role in those expectations.
Natasha Budhai says that “Disney has set a pattern that can be perceived as toxic.”
“Disney’s promoting toxic relationships and unhealthy habits because fictional characters are doing things that we should not be doing in real life. Maybe the reason for our expectations come from watching those shows when we were kids”, she admits.
Yiraglem brings out the effect movies can have on our expectations. She goes in-depth about the book and movie 50 Shades of Grey.
“It’s just toxic. Women think they want a man who is sex-driven, very toxic or powerful, but that’s unrealistic. You’re not going to see a Christian Grey everywhere you’re going. You will just see average Joes and guys who keep to themselves. They don’t run a company and they don’t have mommy or daddy issues”, she says.
Vaquez shares her personal experience.
“The majority of my high school, I was like, ‘he’s being super rude to me and being super toxic, but that means he likes me’. And so, I would accept that because I thought that’s how it is, but it wasn’t”, she admits.
After all this, is it possible that one can grow out of these high expectations that fictional characters exude?
The simple answer is: Yes, we can.
Vaquez says “once you understand that people aren’t actually like this, you will lower your expectations.” Similarly, Ali agrees that “having an open mind about things changes the perspective you have on a person.”
So, why are we so obsessed with fictional characters? According to Ali, it’s because “we are so well acquainted with the characters that we know they cannot do anything wrong.”
Lastly, every person has expectations when it comes to relationships. Some look for a kind and loving person and others look for a protective and possessive person. We should aim to strive for wanting happy and healthy relationships. The notion of a healthy relationship is overshadowed by the hook-up culture and Gen-Z does not know what a genuine relationship looks like anymore.
Fictional characters may provide the escape we long for, but confusing them for real people just sets ourselves up for failure.
Even though these women have a crush on fictional characters, they still search for some common qualities in people. Some believe that they will find a person who can make them feel the same way these characters do.
Budhai already found hers. She admits that her boyfriend matches some qualities of her favourite fictional character.
“A lot of his qualities match up with those qualities or those things that I like in fictional characters, which makes me very happy,” she said.