Trigger Warning: Some of the contents in this article can be sensitive for people who may have gone through a miscarriage.
“I hadn’t realized that a pregnancy could end so quietly, without any bleeding or pain. I knew women who miscarried – I must have, if it’s as common as I’d learned, ” said Alexandria Kimball, in her memoir for the Globe and Mail on her miscarriage.
While there isn’t much Canadian data on miscarriages, the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada (SOGC) estimates 15 to 20 per cent of pregnancies end a miscarriage.
A still-born baby and a miscarriage are treated with the same respects in Indian culture. Both are buried with rites said upon them for peace. Natives in New Guinea (before colonization) held naming ceremonies to honor the deceased child. A mizuko kuy, a fetus memorial service is practiced in modern Japan, where the people give offerings so the gods can watch over the children.
However, Alexandria said that in she had to go through her miscarriage herself in Canada. “Women miscarry alone, isolated by the 12-week rule: Don’t announce your pregnancy until the second trimester. The thinking here is sensible.”
Miscarriage is often reffered to as a “silent-loss” where women who havent even spread the news about their pregancy, have to suffer alone to mourn its loss. Alexandria explains through her memoir, how she wished her husband and people around her understood the physical and mental toll of having a miscarriage. Maybe if they did, she wouldn’t feel alone.
Feminism and Miscarriages
In her memoir, Alexandria explains how as a feminist, its dissapointing that the community has yet to overcome the stigma on talking about miscarriages.
Alexandria had an abortion earlier in her life, and mentions the countless stories and support from people who had that same experience. Advice about what to expect before and after, and support from her friends.
But after her miscarriage, she had none of that.
“Having a miscarriage was maybe the first thing I had gone through not as a feminist. I felt not just invisible to the ideology I’d grown up with, I felt forsaken”
Memoirs and articles like these are ways women can overcome the stigma around miscarriages, and hopefully, women going through something like Alexandria Kimball will have more support and stories like these so that they don’t feel as alone.