By Serena Lopez
For most of us, it is second nature to want to bring a friend with you when doing anything. And I mean, anything. Rooting back to elementary school when teachers made us walk to the washroom with a “buddy.” And your parents probably encouraged you to “make friends” in literally any situation in which there is more than one person your age in the room. Scientifically, human beings are social beings; however, I beg to differ.
As someone who is extremely introverted, I am part of the demographic of people who really loves a night in with myself, a good book or a movie. But not just a single night in– every night. Growing up, I had always felt like something was wrong with me because I chose to have a small group of friends over a large one or wanted to go to the library and spend the entire day there unaccompanied. I just really love spending time with myself.
There is a stigma attached to hanging out by yourself and doing things alone. It’s looked at as something that’s weird and is something many of us actively avoid doing. So I decided this month to challenge myself to doing a couple activities alone that people normally do with a group — just to see what it was like. Mind you, I rarely leave the house as is so this was a major stepping stone for me. Here’s a little bit about what I learned from each experience.
The Challenge: I started small and decided to go the the movies by myself.
I got a movie ticket to MIA’S new documentary film, Matangi/Maya/M.I.A, and immediately regretted it. I hadn’t even left the house yet and I could already feel the anxiety rising up in my body. When I finally did arrive, the first of my problems presented itself: I had to choose a seat without anyone noticing that I came to this theater alone. A thousand different questions popped in my head. “If I sit next to a couple, will they ask me if I’m saving the seat next to me for someone else?” – I’ll awkwardly have to answer, “no.” “If I sit in the middle of the row, will everyone notice that I’m, like, the only person sitting by herself in the aisle? I finally chose a seat and for about 20 minutes all I could think was that people were staring at me and silently judging me for being a loner. Maybe they were thinking “Oh, look at that girl, sitting alone in a theatre all by herself. Probably doesn’t have any friends, poor thing”.
The Verdict: People don’t care.
It took me various scans around the room looking at people just immersed in the film to realize that no one was paying attention to the fact that I was sitting alone. Actually, I noticed that a couple of older people embraced the same lone venture that I did. I couldn’t imagine that one person wouldn’t possibly notice that a young girl decided to leave her house and come to a movie theatre without a friend! But, the reality is, even if someone were noticing, the likelihood of them making fun of you is highly unlikely, if anything the fact that you’re there by yourself shows you have some guts. And that’s worth admiring.
The Challenge: When I was thinking of the next out-of-my comfort zone activity to endure all alone, I thought about what would make me the most nervous just thinking about it.
Attending a concert came to mind. I got a ticket to see Sabrina Claudio at the Phoenix Concert Theatre, and I can guarantee you, I have never felt more awkward in my life. Not only did I have to compete with moving bodies from strangers vying for my personal space, but I also barely knew the lyrics to the songs. And so it began… the overbearing thoughts that people would notice me standing there without a friend. I wanted to wait for the right moment to run towards the exit and just eject the whole 10 minutes I was there from my memory. I wanted to seize the moment and make new friends with the people around me but all I’d managed to accomplish was standing frozen for the entire 2 hour experience just stuck in my own head suffering from self-conscious, cynical thoughts. When in doubt, self-doubt is a practice I know far too well.
The Verdict: I will never do this again.
However, I didn’t have to worry about showing up early because I was the only person that I had to worry about getting to the venue on time. I didn’t have to worry about anyone else’s enjoyment other than my own and I even treated myself to dinner and ice cream after the whole ordeal was over. If I hadn’t had that experience alone, I wouldn’t have realized that I just don’t know how to live in the moment. I was way too in my head. It wasn’t until I stopped fighting the inevitable awkwardness of the situation that I really started to let go and and just enjoy my time at a concert alone, being my own best friend.
I had built up all of these scenarios in my head of being looked at weirdly or giggled at, but none of those came into fruition. I was just scared of being out of my comfort zone and the social anxiety that came with it. In reality, spending time with yourself is so much more cost effective and stress free because you know everything you like and don’t like with no pressure of a friend ruining anything for you. It’s an opportunity for that much needed “me-time” and self reflection. It can be as small as spending a Friday night in with a movie or going to a concert alone. Whatever it is, it’s so worth because, hey, you might even learn something new about yourself.