When you ask someone what their fears are, the answer generally lies somewhere on the spectrum of fear of the dark to fear of the unknown. But how should I tell someone that I am scared of… dates?
While my friends around me have no problem going out and meeting new people, I have always found it difficult. It becomes especially challenging when it involves a romantic relationship. When I was back home in India, I never really had the problem of going out on dates because it was not always safe to do so. However, once I moved to Toronto, I felt this pressure on me to see someone in order to “experience new things.”
I downloaded dating apps since then and I found great matches. But when it came time to meet them, I would sink and have no idea how to get back up. This eventually led me to not talk to them anymore, regardless of how badly I wanted to do the opposite and regardless of knowing it was wrong to ghost.
Eventually, I decided to change and came up with plausible solutions.
To start, I stopped watching crime documentaries as they were making me even more paranoid. The second solution was trusting my gut; if I did not feel safe, I didn’t go. You want to have a good time, not a stressful one. Lastly, give yourself time and talk to someone about how you feel. This helped me come out of my bubble and meet new people. You never realize how paranoid you might be until you tell someone, and in return, they’ll probably tell you you have nothing to worry about.
The question that now arises is, how do we deal with a potential partner who has this fear? I have one word for you: patience. Giving them their time and space works wonders. Make them feel comfortable; let them choose the place and time of the date. If they know they are going somewhere where they feel safe, chances are they will feel safer around you. Lastly, even if they stopped talking to you after you’ve tried everything, don’t blame yourself––it’s probably nothing personal. There is a high chance they were just afraid of going out on a date in general.
Everyone has some type of fear and deals with it differently. But if you share this one with me, don’t think that just because other people are opening up about it that you have to, too. Take your time. Create your own comfort zone. Don’t jeopardize your mental health for societal pressure.