As a size 6 girl who is neither plus-sized nor small (you can tell I both eat pizza and go to the gym occasionally), it’s not so easy to drown out noise from a world telling you to be skinnier. I can practically hear the fit girl on the poster in the window of a trendy store telling me I wouldn’t look good in what she’s wearing. I can hear it in every movie I watch, and I notice it in every glance at a strangers’ eyes, when I worry, “Do they think I look fat in this?”
The ironic thing is, I’m always equally thrilled to see a photo of someone in plus-size lingerie as I am to see someone with a smaller figure killing it in any outfit that they feel good in. Regardless of what number they wear, they’re all absolutely beautiful.
But I’m slowly realizing that I can’t recall a time I’ve ever seen my in-between body on any type of screen or magazine cover. When you can’t find yourself represented, it’s easy to feel like your body is wrong – it could be that you never see the colour of your skin, your scars or your gender identity. The list goes on.
So, I decided for just three days, I would step into the world of clothes that I adored but didn’t necessarily love how vulnerable my body was in them, and find out, can you really fake it until you make it?
Day One
I went for some bohemian vibes. I’ve been loving long, flowy skirts and tight tops accessorized by some gold jewelry; plus the animal-print trend is especially popular right now. So just because it doesn’t match my typical baggy-sweater style, why shouldn’t I get to try it out too?
I felt carefree and beautiful. While I was a little vulnerable, the top ended up being the perfect combination with the skirt, making me feel dressed-up but sort of effortless. I absolutely loved it.
Day Two
I went for an edgier look – complete with the chain belts that are pretty Toronto-famous right now – composed of black joggers, a tight cropped top and a cropped jean jacket.
I have to say, the looser pants provided a little more comfort. I felt the belt was cute and pulled the all-black ensemble together. While I’d usually have a little fear about the broadness of my shoulders in such a tank top, the jean jacket provided that extra layer of safety despite being somewhat exposed. Overall, a feel-good outfit to my surprise.
Day Three
This day consisted only of simple leggings and a cropped turtleneck, which was tight on basically every aspect of my body that I fear being emphasized.
Unexpected results yet again but – you guessed it – I felt pretty empowered. I felt curvy and beautiful. My hips were certainly outlined, but I realized I could take something I used to hate so much, as simple as my hips, and turn it into something that was just a little bit different from everyone else’s body. And somehow, that one small part of me became something I genuinely loved a little bit.
It’s not like I’ve never worn outfits resembling these ones before, but the difference was my mindset. Just because the world doesn’t put my body type on billboards or subway posters or storefronts, it doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to wear what I want to wear.
And there’s my answer – something we all could guess, but that I confirmed for myself this week – if it doesn’t make you feel confident, you don’t have to push yourself. It’s about the feeling you get when you wear an outfit you like, and if wearing that skirt makes you feel like you could take over the world, then wear it. When you feel a single flicker of happiness or beauty about yourself, take it and savour it. Enjoy it and amplify it. It’s what got me through the days and what helped me to wear the things I so badly wanted to wear but hadn’t had the courage to do so for so long.
I do hate that we have to remind ourselves that our own bodies have value. We should grow up knowing that our bodies do so much for us and that we deserve to walk freely and confidently, no matter the number on the little paper tag on our clothing. We, as women, are such an incredible mosaic.
I can’t wait for the day that I check my phone, turn on the TV, or read a magazine and see a collage of small, large and in-between bodies of all colours with the stretch marks, scars and battle wounds that you collect growing up as a woman today.
The path to loving your body can be long and tiresome, but it’s your path. And as for right now, you can take it one skirt, one sleeveless top, or one tight pair of pants at a time.