Christmas is often marketed as the merriest time of the year. However, for some people, feelings of loneliness, grief and isolation can heighten during the holiday season.
“The holidays are a time when people take a break from their usual activities, such as their jobs, and spend more quality time with their family, including family they don’t see as much during the year. For this reason, holidays can be a particularly stressful time for those whom these relationships don’t exist or have changed,” says Dr. Saunia Ahmad, a clinical psychologist and the director of Toronto Psychology.
People who are negatively affected by the holidays include those who live alone, have few or no family to spend the holidays with, have strained family relationships and people with a mental illness or trauma. Additionally, the holidays can be challenging for those who are spending their first holiday without a loved one.
“The holidays are a painful reminder of what is gone or drastically changed for those who lost a loved one or are dealing with a chronic and/or terminal medical condition or disability. Memories of how holidays were typically spent this time of year are more salient to a person when they are spending the holidays differently,” says Dr. Ahmad.
People with strained family relationships often face pressure or obligation to spend time with those family members during the holiday season, leading to stressful interactions that cause further tension. Those who choose not to spend time with family during the holidays to avoid negative feelings may experience an increase in fear and guilt. This year, additional conflict and challenges will surface due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Families may disagree on whether or not they should visit each other, and holiday expenses could increase the financial burden the season already brings.
“The holidays are also highly commercialized and there is a lot of messaging on planning the perfect festive events and spending on the right gift. This places great time and financial pressure on people,” says Dr. Ahmad.
Regardless of why someone is affected by the holiday season, holiday triggers can be suffocating and difficult to avoid. Commercials, decorations, music and social media posts of people enjoying their holidays can evoke difficult emotions.
“Seeing and hearing about others happily spending time with family can be painful and increase feelings of sadness, isolation, exclusion, loneliness and may even lead to depression and anxiety,” says Dr. Ahmad.
To cope with the holiday season, Dr. Ahmad recommends the following strategies:
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Develop a schedule for how you will be spending your holiday season. Be sure to schedule activities that involve self-care and maintain a healthy routine such as exercise, rest, sleep and healthy eating.
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Cut back on social media to reduce social comparison with others. Remember, what we see online is a highly distorted reality of other people’s lives. People only post pictures that show how happy they look, not how they feel inside.
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Give yourself compassion. Practice self-love and be your own best friend. Find activities that bring you joy, such as cooking, painting, exercise, or photography.
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Reach out to others in a similar situation as you and organize a festive or non-festive virtual event.
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Set realistic expectations for yourself this year in terms of what and how much time and money you will be spending on holiday events and gifts.
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Focus on being grateful. We can be more aware of how fortunate we are by helping those struggling more than us. Volunteer to help people in need, such as the elderly who may need help getting groceries right now or donating to a food bank.
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