By Gabby Montesano
It was my first day of third year when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. That was just a month and a half ago.
“Your MRI results are back and it seems to be MS,” the doctor said, hours after my scan. I couldn’t help but cry.
But what was multiple sclerosis? I didn’t even know what I was crying about. All I knew about multiple sclerosis were those walks they made you raise money for in elementary school.
Multiple sclerosis or MS is an autoimmune disease of the brain and spinal cord. It attacks myelin, sheath that protects the nerves in the brain and spinal cord—MS causes inflammation and damage to the myelin. Canada has the highest rate of multiple sclerosis in the world. Some symptoms include weakness, tingling, vision problems, bladder problems, impaired sensation, mood changes and cognitive impairment—all of which I’ve experienced over time. No two people experience MS the same, which is the most frightening part of the illness. It can make you feel extremely alone.
There are 5 types of MS and I’m lucky that I’m afflicted one of the less severe types—relapsing-remitting MS (RRMS). RRMS means that there are relapses when new symptoms appear or others worsen. Yet in between relapses, recovery is complete or nearly complete.
When I finally decided to go to the hospital after my eyesight declined, I never expected anything severe or urgent. I couldn’t walk straight for a week because I was seeing double through my right eye.
“Maybe I strained my eyes from never wearing my glasses,” I thought to myself.
The left side of my body went numb and tingly the previous week and I had ignored it. A pinched nerve from the gym? Definitely not. It wasn’t until the emergency doctor told me there was some sort of inflammation in my brain that was causing these symptoms that I realized this was serious.
(Photo by Gabby Montesano)
“There are white lesions all over your brain, especially on the left side,” the doctor informed me after announcing my diagnosis.
My life flashed before my eyes. Everything I had planned for my future vanished from my mind. All my goals felt unobtainable and all my hard work felt pointless. It took a few days for my mind to process this huge change in my life. It took even longer to wrap my head around the fact that there is no cure for MS. I was stuck like this for the rest of my life.
Once I was done processing this realization, I was angry. I was resentful to everyone and everything. I couldn’t understand why this would happen to me. I missed weeks of school and fell behind. I stopped trying to go out or go see my friends. I was exhausted and I didn’t feel like my body was my own anymore. I just wanted to avoid everything that made me remember the life I had before it became complicated with this illness. I felt the loneliest that I’ve ever felt.
Within a week or so, my vision returned with the help of steroids and I was able to go out for a few hours without feeling exhausted. Thankfully, my family, friends, and boyfriend were incredibly supportive through it all, helping me overcome every obstacle that was thrown my way. Visiting the MS Clinic at St. Michael’s Hospital also put my mind at ease because these new doctors were experienced with all types of MS. I knew that I was in good hands.
A month and a half later, I’m feeling better. My symptoms come and go but I don’t constantly feel sad or have negative thoughts about myself anymore. I started going out with the people that I’m closest to again and I’m trying to catch up on my school work. I’m trying to be as positive as I can be while doing as much research as possible. Soon, I’ll be starting a medication called Tecfidera that is meant to help with the symptoms and slow the progression of MS. This entire experience has taught me that it’s okay to not be okay sometimes, as long as you pick yourself back up. I’ve become a stronger person because of this illness and I’m ready to tackle it head on.
To learn more about MS, visit MS Society of Canada: www.mssociety.ca