If you’re like me, you find it difficult to make time for most things but have all the time in the world to overthink. Imagine if that energy could be redirected, not even in terms of being more “productive” but to get some mental relaxation. If you spend too much time thinking about others feelings and your interactions with them, where does the time go to just be?
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed mental health care professional. I am an anxious empath and it can be absolutely exhausting. When I feel tired, I find myself feeling guilty for not wanting to think about someone else’s pain. How crazy does that sound? Here are 5 methods I practice to put my ego aside.
- Identify your unhealthy behaviours
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If you can catch yourself in the act, you can slow your spirit’s tendency to take on others feelings. This also goes for assuming how they may feel about an event they’re dealing with, or how something you said may have been perceived. If we really think about how much energy is put into coming up with all of these variables, we’ll realize that it’s probably more worth it to focus on how we feel about ourselves, and less about how others feel about us. If you can look into therapy, it’s even better!
- Don’t assume responsibility for other people’s emotions
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If you’re the type to constantly think about how your words have affected others- I feel you, but also, you gotta stop. Find a pattern of behaviours that works best for you. I meditate, drink a glass of water, and sing whichever show tune I’m currently obsessed with. Let people tell you how they feel, unprompted. They’ll do it if/when they’re ready. You can only control when you tell other people how they make you feel, and not vice versa.
- You don’t always need to give advice
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Sometimes people just want someone to listen. Not everyone in your life will confide in you, thinking that you have all of the answers to their questions. Most of the time, they want to have their feelings validated. We are conditioned to believe that there are a set of reasonable reactions associated with specific happenings and when we deviate, we think we’re broken. Don’t be afraid to just say “It makes sense why you’re feeling that way,” because honestly, it does.
- Accept other truths
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It’s so much harder to resist. Your ego gets involved and it’s not the same as venting because you’re actively trying to dissuade someone, sometimes without even knowing it. It’s not your responsibility to carry someone else’s beliefs and understanding. You can accept the feelings and actions of the people you care about, even if they conflict with your own. This is also why it’s good to just listen sometimes, telling someone that has already dealt with the consequences that their actions were wrong, isn’t very helpful. If it gets to a point where they genuinely clash with your moral beliefs and values then…
- Don’t be afraid to walk away
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Not everyone is destined to have a relationship with you. And trust me, that’s more beautiful than it is devastating. Always remember that when someone walks out, it’s only making way for the right kind of person to come in. Also, not all relationships are meant to last decades, sometimes not even months. You are a person experiencing a very specific perspective of the universe and every person you meet has the ability to teach you something new. If they have to leave to do it, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Ta-da!
Just kidding. These aren’t fix-alls, but they may help you take steps towards a path of mental ease. When it comes to those you care about, their struggles and how they perceive you showing that care, it can be a complicated balance to maintain. Above all else, as I wander further into adulthood, I plead with you to remember that it is okay to walk away. Even if you’ve been friends for years and there’s external pressure to make it work. If a witch gave you the power to replace that person with anyone else and it wouldn’t matter much, that’s a sign to reevaluate if you truly care, or if you’re hanging on by your pinkie finger because you think that you should.