1. Sledgehammer – Fifth Harmony
Their career high thus far has been opening for the X Factor’s reigning worst judge of all time’s tour, but these girls have managed to create a masterpiece here.It’s a massive ear worm that begs you to grab a hairbrush and sing along. It’s sassy and upbeat without being obnoxious-and the “oh-oh-oh-ohs” that echo through the chorus are perfection.
2. What About Us – The Saturdays The Saturdays tried to make a break into the North American market a year or two ago with this caribbean-tinged single…it did not fare well. It’s really a shame because they really do produce some of the most solid pop music of any girl group-they’ve released dozens of singles, and none have been anything short of fantastic. This one has a great summer vibe, a sing-and-shout chorus, and some well-placed vocal runs. They may never rule the charts, but What About Us should definitely rule your playlist this summer.
3. Survivor – Destiny’s Child If you don’t instantly start prepping to break out a fierce lip-synch routine the moment you hear that mounting intro, you are not the kind of person who belongs in my life. Filled with some of the shadiest lyrics Destiny’s Child ever recorded (“You know I’m not gon diss you on the internet/Cause my mama taught me better than that”, anyone?) and Kelly using her allotted 40 seconds of mike time to coat the entire verse in scathing sarcasm, this truly was one of the greatest songs Beyonce and Co released. They even let Michelle have some time to recite her motivational quotes while Bey rested from the strain of over-singing some truly majestic ad-libs. Truly iconic.
4. I Don’t Need a Man – The Pussycat Dolls Before they imploded, unable to handle the stress of opening for The Princess of Pop Britney Spears on her Circus tour, these girls released what may be the ultimate independent girls track this millennium.Being that this is finals season, simply replace “I don’t need a man” with “I don’t need an A” for your own personalized empowerment anthem. Remember to stream the song online so Nicole can get her .05 cents per play, because she ain’t making any money off her solo career.
5. 2 AM – Girlicious Saddled with what is perhaps the most unfortunate girl group name of all time, Girlicious only released two albums before they, like all of Robin’s girls, abandoned her for non-existent solo careers. Taken from their optimistically-titled second album, Rebuilt, 2 AM is all about turning up, with a sing-along chorus and plenty of “la la las” thrown in for good measure. As good as it was, the “rebuilt” Girlicious never did make much of an impact on the charts…or more importantly, Robin’s wallet.
6. Patron Tequila – Paradiso Girls
Strike three in the game that should have put Robin Antin on the benches was the Paradiso Girls. They were supposed to be the european Pussycat Dolls while Girlicious took over Canada with their seven-member strong fanbase. Being the european counterpoint to the risqué Dolls, Patron Tequila is filled with classy statements such as “by the end of the night Ima have ya drunk and throwin’ up”. They never made it to their second official single (although it leaked to the web, naturally), which is a shame because this really is a fun track. Plus, they managed to get Eve on the song, temporarily reviving her career, which is naturally a blessing. Get your liquor on and embrace the sleaziness of this one.
7. Vacation – GRL Rounding out Robin Antin’s girl group brigade is the only one that’s still functioning today (I think?). The B-side to Britney’s unappreciated Smurf Movie Soundtrack smash “Ooh La La”, Vacation will put you in the perfect mood to hit the beach and recover from this semester.
“What do you mean none of my seventeen girl groups have had any lasting success?!”
8. Wide Open Spaces – Dixie Chicks If you need something a bit more wholesome and organic than Robin Antin’s never-ending breeding program of pop groups, this might be the song for you. From their record-breaking album of the same name, Wide Open Spaces is the perfect song for your roadtrip back to whatever small town you thought you’d escaped at the end of the semester. It may be country, but it goes down easy, and it’s really a gorgeous, mellow tune, banjos and all. 9. Light Me Up – Parade Their first (and last) single off their trashed second album, Light Me Up is a glimmer at the greatness Parade could have been had their debut not landed at #171 on the UK charts. It’s light and carefree, bouncing along through to a crashing chorus that will have you crying out along with the girls. Also, can we please take a moment to appreciate the line “smoke me like a cigarette?”. Loves it.
10. No Scrubs – TLC
This song should serve as a gentle reminder that you should not lower your standards just for the sake of a summer romance. You are a beautiful creature and you deserve someone who will treat you to ice cream and hammock cuddles…not some loathsome scrub with nothing to offer you. Cute isn’t going to cut it. TLC was not here for it, and you are not either. Make “I don’t want no scrub” your mantra, and your summer boo may just be one you don’t regret. (No promises, though, people can be icky)
11. Closer – Tegan and Sara Are Tegan and Sara a girl group? Who cares, they’re here and they’re brilliant. Dance along with this one and then rock out to the pulsing chorus. The lyrics are just sensual enough without being embarrassing, and by the second chorus you’ll be singing along at the top of your lungs. Plus, they’re our very own, from right here in Canada (not that you need an excuse to love them when the music is this good).
12. Spice Up Your Life – Spice Girls Probably the first girl group most of us were ever aware of, and the reigning queens of girl-group stardom. What can I really say about this one? It’s exam season and the summer is just around the corner…SPICE UP YOUR LIFE. I dare you not to be in a good mood by the end of that first chorus.