Have you ever felt like a failure? Okay, who are we kidding, of course you have. If you identify yourself as a human on the planet Earth then at one point or another you have felt like a complete and utter failure. I want to tell you that this is 100% okay, but it’s not.
Say what? It’s not okay to fail?
Nope, it is absolutely not okay because society tells us so. We have been conditioned since childhood to fear failure. In kindergarten, if we fail to learn how to line up properly, we get in trouble. In grade 2, if you fail to write in handwriting (I’m talking to you millennials) you cannot receive your pen license. In grade 6 if you fail certain testing you do not get to enter into specific programs for grade 7 and 8, such as Challenge and Leap. In grade 8, if you do not do well in school you are informed to take applied classes in high school with the implication that they are for the lesser of us humans. If you are in applied, you are indirectly told that you are not good enough and will never be able to go to university and thus never get a good job to be a stellar contributing member of society. And most importantly, you cannot fail a single grade because you would become a burden to the school system, you would become a negative statistic and you would be stigmatized.
The fear of failure becomes inadvertently embedded into our entire being from the first day we enter into the school system, and it all happened without us even noticing what was going on. Without realizing it, we rely on grades to validate our perceptions of ourselves, we are afraid to try something new. How could we possibly take a subject that we might not enjoy or do well at when our performance at university determines our entire future based on how we do in these classes? And why bother even answering a question when you do not know the answer to the question, as this will simply lead to the entire class laughing at you, while you sit there looking foolish?
The problem is that we also subconsciously take this societal generated fear with us into higher education and into the rest of our lives. Before we know it, we settle for a mediocre life because we are so keen to avoid coming face to face with failure in our search for excellence.
Do you see what I’m saying here? If you’re nodding in agreement with me, then take a step back to reassess, read on and let’s combat this fear of failure, stick our middle fingers up to society and kick some serious bootay.
1. F#$% the System
Throw your hands in the air, flip your middle fingers to the system and wave them around like you just don’t care.
The system tells you exactly how to do everything, what route to take, when to speak, how to speak and how long to speak. It tells us what a pass and a fail is.
Don’t agree with your prof? Challenge them. Who cares if someone thinks you look dumb, chances are you’re not the only one on this thought train.
Have a question you think is dumb? Just ask it anyway, someone else is going to thank you for this.
Don’t agree with something? Go and freaking well change it! If you can’t change it the first time around, try again! How else do you think movements and protests could have happened?
I could go on for days, but you probably get the picture.
2. You Do You, Boo Boo
Stop letting other people define your success.
Society likes to do that. It defines what success looks like and if you don’t fit in with the perfect regimented outline of success, you can be labelled a failure. So, stop letting society define your success. Do your thing. Your way to success is going to look much different than the next person’s.
3. Journey to Middle Earth
Your journey is the most important part.
Did you know that failing can lead you to your passions? Mind…blown!
You might learn that you don’t actually love what you are failing at. OR, you might learn that you are so passionate about it that you are never going to stop fighting for success.
Failing will bring out the honesty in the situation and show you the true colours of the journey you are embarking on.
Let’s look at Frodo in LOTR for example. He was a hot mess of a failure the whole way to Middle Earth. But he never stopped fighting. He fought through unimaginable fear, stared death in the face and kept trekking on. Through his journey, he expanded his worldview, learned about himself, and grew as a person (or rather.. hobbit*). His journey impacted who he would became as a result, but he did not let it define his entire life. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, dig yourself out from underneath your rock and go watch Lord of the Rings PRONTO).
Your failures direct you to your passions. Your failures make you stronger. They make you a fighter. Failure is only part of the journey. It doesn’t define you, but it sure as hell creates you.
4. Thomas Edison Your Life
Fail, and then fail again.
Thomas Edison did not invent the lightbulb over night. In fact, he tried over 1,000 times! This example might be cliché, but where would we be without electricity? Nighttime would be even more depressing than it already is in the winter and even your laptop would not light up. Imagine writing all of your papers by candlelight?
It’s a little far fetched, I agree – the lightbulb would have eventually been invented by someone else. But imagine if you could be the person who eventually succeeds and revolutionizes technology (so to speak)?!
5. Dust Yourself off and Keep Going
Keep in mind that J.K Rowling contacted 12 different publishers before one finally agreed to publish Harry Potter. It went on to become a bestseller, and later the best-selling series of all time.
If you’re applying to grad school and are rejected, keep trying! Didn’t do well on that essay? See where you went wrong, even talk to the prof and get ready to nail it the next time. Maybe you didn’t make the sports team that you really wanted to be on; keep training hard and go try out again next year. Current experiences with ‘failure’ does not rule out the possibility of future success.
6. Be Like Trump
WTF?!
Don’t worry, I am in no way endorsing Trump. However, I am highlighting his inability to quit despite unfavourable circumstances.
The man has gone bankrupt, declared bankruptcy on his businesses and look; he is now the President of the most powerful country in the world. Not to mention the man could not give a flying bleep about what anyone thinks about him. He is proudly and boldly himself. So, as much as it pains me to say it, take a lesson from Trump. Go for what you want, don’t listen to what people have to say about you and stay true to yourself, proudly and boldly.
7. Don’t Be a Blind Mouse
A.k.a. do not let failure blind you and make you lose sight of your goals.
Your goals are your dreams. When you allow the fear of failure to overtake your mind, you are removing all the room that is reserved for your dreams. Choose which way of thinking you are going to let rule your brain. Are your dreams what you value most over anything else, or is the fear of failure too overwhelming? Push through the fear, and allow yourself to fail every once in a while.
8. On Wednesdays, We Do Not Wear Pink
People often set expectations that make you feel the need to live up to them. But let’s be clear here, if you do not want to, or you are not able to, you are by no means obligated to and are not therefore a failure. Unlike the plastics, you are not going to get thrown out of life for not meeting someone else’s expectations. Set life standards for yourself (realistic ones) and aim to reach those. Even if you don’t, you are not a failure … say it with me “I am not a failure.”
Great, now go wear black on a Wednesday and defy the conventions.
9. Don’t Live Your Life on Instagram
A.k.a. stop comparing your private moments to everyone else’s perfectly edited highlights of moments.
Posting images online allows you to share your favourite memories and ogle the success of others. However, keep in mind that you only see what every individual wishes to share with the public. You see their good angles and their tidbits of success. You’ve heard it a million times before, because it’s true: You cannot compare yourself, your journey, your unfiltered moments and unedited pictures to the public, perfectly edited successes of someone else. If you keep comparing your life to these hyped up moments, it won’t be long before you begin to feel inadequate. Set your own expectations, live your real and raw moments to the fullest, and be uniquely yourself in all your non-failed glory.
In case you didn’t catch the full message of everything that was just said above, let me reiterate the key takeaway. You are not a failure, and you are fabulous.
Now go watch A Cinderella Story to remind you to never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game ;)