I had the privilege of meeting Kade a little over a year ago. We shared the same major and the same love for the office. He is a charismatic, a bit strange but funny guy. I sat down with him to try to find out some interesting facts I didn’t already know, and I was not disappointed. Enjoy learning a little more about the one, the only: Kade Kolheffer!
How old are you?
When did you graduate?
K: May 2018
What is your profession? K: I am a high school Math Teacher at Recovery Academy.
What is your relationship status?
What’s a song right now that you can’t stop listening to?
What is your favorite thing about being a teacher?
K: My favorite thing is when I feel like I’m actually helping someone, and you can tell they are grateful for it. I can tell they are going to succeed and it’s a good feeling.
What is your funniest college story?
K: I’m not sure if it’s the funniest but it is the first one to pop in my head. When I was on the basketball team, I joined the cross country team to stay in shape. At our first meet, we went against some really tough schools, like Virginia Military Tech. Like all the schools were D1 and we are D3. So, we were competing and I ran out in front of everyone. It felt great that I was in front, and I thought it would be a good idea to rub it in the other teams’ faces. So, I turned around gave them the ‘suck it’ motion. That’s when I realized I was sprinting so fast to get ahead of them, and they were all going nearly the same speed while just jogging. Anyways, I lost hard. They all made fun of me and I walked home sad.
What is something about adult life that you weren’t prepared for?
K: Paying bills all the time… like literally every week… but nothing really surprises me, I moved out when I was a senior in high school. It was definitely a personal choice though, I love my mom more than anyone.
One of the first thing’s I noticed about you, and I’m sure everyone else notices as well is that you love playing sports… So what sports do you play?
K: For Behrend, I played basketball, soccer, and cross country. When I went to Main (University Park), I played tennis.
If you could switch places with any person, who would it be and why?
K: Donald Trump, so I could be president and not fuck everything up. Just kidding, actually the vice president so I could overthrow Donald Trump… For real just kidding I’m not like crazy or anything. But I would probably switch places with Jaden Smith because he’s really good at everything.
So for the past 3 summers, you’ve taught children how to play tennis, do you have some funny stories from that experience?
K: This one girl I was training, who was around 8 or 9 years old, asked me if I wanted to see how fast she could run. She started sprinting and immediately face planted, like literally two steps into running. She hit the ground so hard she peed herself. At this point, she is balling her eyes out. So I take the tennis racket and start playing it like a guitar. She looks up at me and goes “I didn’t know that was a guitar” and immediately stopped crying. It was so sad but also so funny. There was also this other kid who was about 6 and he would always say, “Thanks for the Booty” anytime I said anything and would proceed to slap my ass. I tried to get him to stop but it was sort of funny.
Where do you see yourself in ten years?
K: I want to have two dogs: 1 pit-bull, the other dog would be a surprise. Hopefully, my relationship status has changed a bit. I will still be a teacher. I hope I might have a few children. I want to have two kids and adopt one.
Describe your dream girl.
K: Alive and breathing. That’s it. Literally no traits, she just has to be alive.
So you recently became a cat-dad, can you tell me a little about what that experience has been like?
K: This cat pisses me off beyond belief. I feel like he does things just to piss me off. You and I bought him like, $40 worth of toys, and he only wants to play with the wires in my house. I mean I love him, we hang all the time, but he’s super annoying. That’s why dogs are better. Also, he always puts his butt in my face. I’m guessing it is very similar to raising a child.
If you want the lottery what is the first thing you would buy?
K: I’d buy my mom a house. Then, I’d buy a wife. Probably from Yugoslavia or Russia, wherever you buy those mail order brides from.
Well, there you have it! Thanks, Kade for being an awesome friend and letting me talk about your life in this article. Kade did say he will be accepting marriage request, so DM him @kolhefferkade on Instagram.