Alex, meeting expectations by representing her theatre club as homecoming queen
I have never really had one group or one clique that I subscribed to. I have a wide range of interests, which socially has both harmed me and helped me. Growing up with parents of two very different ethnic and religious backgrounds, I have felt close to both cultures but I know I am not fully one or the other. I was always different from my classmates. One of my religions was different from everyone else’s.
My style and the way I dress has always been my own style. I enjoy androgyny; I have always liked the idea of expressing myself in both masculine and feminine ways. My nickname has always suited me wonderfully because it is unisex; it is both masculine and feminine.
In high school, I was your typical theatre kid. I’d spent hours and hours singing along to Broadway soundtracks, learning songs to play on my keyboard, wearing shirts with the logos of different musicals on them. However, I had other interests, interests that were not always welcomed by the other kids in the musicals.
I listened to a lot of EDM, trance, reggae, and rap that I had to hide on my iPod from my so-called friends. I was in the Science Olympiad and took elective science classes instead of music classes which was pretty much taboo to the music kids. In 9th grade, I built a robot and entered it in a competition. I did not pursue robotics further after that because it wasn’t expected of me to really do that; I was an accomplished singer and actress to my peers. No one I hung out with from school supported my passion for robotics- they tried to discourage me because it wasn’t musical enough. I had to suppress the real me to be more accepted, and I was unhappy doing that. To fit the stereotype of the nerdy theatre girl that I felt I had to be to others, I cut my hair in bangs that did not suit my face structure. Instead of subtle colors, I chose the brightest colors of bands available to me at the orthodontist to bring attention to my braces in order to fit the stereotype. I enjoyed running and some sports but my peers did not, so I would run slower during the mile to stay with my friends in the band and the choir who ran slower so we could act like we were too cool for physical activities.
But around the age of 16 going on 17, I realized that you can’t aspire to be somebody you truly aren’t. I enjoyed social studies in school very much, and I realized that I wanted to go to a college that had a great program for history and political science when it was time to apply to college. I was hardwired to believe that I would go to college for music or theatre like everyone else I talked to in school did. But I realized that I had the power to choose what I wanted to do with my life, and I wasn’t going to be around these people (whose expectations I tried so hard to live up to) for much longer. I had to set bars and goals for myself. I had to find out what I expected of me and not what others expected of me.
Fast forward to college, I am truly free to be me. I joined a rugby league when I was 18, which I can’t imagine anybody I did Drama Club in high school with doing due to fears they might chip a nail. I make my own schedule, and nobody cares that I am a floater, not that it would matter. My life is shaped by what I enjoy, not what others expect of me. I only surround myself with others who are supportive of my goals and I support their goals in return. My friends and I are always challenging each other to get out of our comfort zones a little bit more. It is quite a difference from my teenage years. Nobody shames me now for liking different things. Never again will I try to fit a stereotype.
I am myself, not a label.