In just a few weeks we’ll be at the anniversary of the start of the COVID-19 lockdown and I can’t help but reminisce… or, reflect? Or try to remember anything that’s happened in the past 12 months? I’m being dramatic, but seriously, it has been a year. It’s been real rough at times, but I can’t call this year a complete wash. I am still in my twenties, and things are still constantly ~happening~ in my life, whether I like it or not. Our world truly is aching and that must be acknowledged, but at the same time, why not try to find the good in what we’ve been dealt?
Here is my pandemic recap in terms of each month’s high and low. I hope you’re finding things to be thankful for in this dizzying season of our lives.
March 2020
High: I got to spend the first month of quarantine at my partner’s house, and we celebrated his 21st birthday. I was very lucky to have him to manage the “new normal” with.
Low: Obviously, getting sent home from school was incredibly stressful and purely sad for so many reasons. That semester was my favorite until the pandemic hit and it makes me sad that I’ll never get to finish out that experience.
April 2020
High: I was the fittest I’ve ever been and was feeling super excited about getting faster and stronger, rather than worried about how I looked.
Low: I can’t remember anything particularly awful, but I know being at home and trying to finish school was not fun.
May 2020
High: School ended, sunshine started becoming more regular, I had more opportunities to run new trails outside, and I was reading lots of fun books!
Low: Racial injustice and political tension were all anyone could talk about (rightfully so, but still not fun). Everything was more polarized than usual and my heart was very heavy.
June 2020
High: I moved back to Oswego and lived alone for the first time! This was a huge highlight of the year because I finally had my own space again, I had so much free time to do the things I love, and I realized I actually really enjoy being alone!
Low: I spent hours every day applying to jobs and feeling discouraged and painfully stressed about money.
July 2020
High: I got to go camping a couple of times with my partner and his family. I loved exploring new places, unplugging, and finally just getting to spend time together again.
Low: Everything just felt weird. My relationship with my family felt different. I was still stressed about finding a job. Whenever people came to visit me, I felt pressured to do fun things but there was nothing to do, obviously. I think I felt really good individually, but was worried about my relationships and missing everyone and everything.
August 2020
High: I got my first job that is relevant to my future career! From the second I logged onto my interview, I was absolutely in love with this job, and I am so grateful to be doing something that fills me with purpose and joy! (I know, it’s hard to believe I could ever truly love a job, but I swear we have a very healthy relationship).
Low: You know when you’re talking to your partner but neither of you is saying anything and you’re just kinda going through the motions for a week or so? Yeah, so that! It happens! I don’t necessarily think it’s bad and it’s just a natural part of long term relationships, but in the moment it feels kinda sad.
September 2020
High: Everyone was back in town and my little pod was having a great time just hanging out. Fall was in the air and I was feelin’ good & getting shit done!
Low: I was starting to realize that I can’t possibly keep up with my responsibilities and do all of my hobbies every day. I didn’t like having to pick and choose what fun thing I had the energy to do each day. I was missing summer when my days were filled with things I enjoy and nothing else.
October 2020
High: I turned 21! I had a super special day (and week hehe) despite everything. I was safe and spoiled!
Low: I definitely hit my peak in terms of burnout. I was working too much, spending way too much time on my laptop, and eating way too much frozen food. This was the worst I’d felt since March, and I hope I never reach that breaking point again. I remember feeling guilty a lot of the time, because I felt so lucky to have my job and I really do love it, but with everything else going on I felt sucked dry and had to change my availability. It was the best thing I did for myself, but if I could’ve “changed my availability” for Zoom practicum sessions instead, I would’ve.
November 2020
High: I don’t know why but I struggled to think of anything, positive or negative, that happened this month. I guess I was just chillin.’ I know I was completing a lot of assignments and actually finishing the semester strong for once.
Low: Some of my friends moved out and some even graduated, which always leaves me feeling out of whack. Goodbyes feel especially premature when things are so different. We didn’t get the time together or any of the experiences we wanted and deserved. Growing up is so strange.
December 2020
High: Easy – I got to spend some much needed downtime with my family and my partner and his family for the holidays. Plus, the kids at work made my heart melt all month with their excitement over every little thing. And I got back into strength training and looked forward to a workout (and did one) for the first time since June.
Low: This month was a lot, bare with me. Because I had a persistent headache, I thought I had COVID-19 on the 23rd. I am a very, very close acquaintance of Mr. Sinus Infection, but of course, during these times my inner hypochondriac really shines. I spent the first half of Christmas Eve having a moral debate on whether or not I should go home to see my family. It was very depressing to imagine spending the two weeks surrounding the holidays alone in my apartment, so I was ecstatic when an urgent care finally let me in and gave me a rapid test. Seriously, I was up at 7am (on my one day that week to sleep past 6:15) waiting outside WellNow just to be turned away. My dreams of Christmas morning were getting very dull. But in the end, everything was fine and I was given an antibiotic for a sinus infection.
And then, in December’s final days, the day before I was supposed to go back to work after my little break, I got stuck in quarantine. I was at my partner’s house for two days and someone in his family tested positive when being seen at the doctor for something totally unrelated. This was an absolute whirlwind. I already missed work so much and now I was also worried about missing my paychecks. I couldn’t decide if I should leave and quarantine alone, or stay and risk being exposed at any point over the quarantine. The only reason I even considered leaving was because I was so anxious to get back to work, so I stayed. I’m glad I did because no one else in the house ever tested positive or showed symptoms, I didn’t have to be painfully alone for two weeks, and my partner has this amazing way of making a quarantine feel like a damn snow day.
I ended up realizing this was a blessing in disguise. I really needed that time to do nothing. I don’t think I have ever done nothing, and not had to worry about doing something, simultaneously. 95% of my memories from those two weeks are happy and soul-nourishing.
January 2021
High: I love New Years. I finally got back to work and started looking forward to the year (it’s a big one) and the semester ahead. Setting up my new planner was a dream. I was back in Oswego, with nothing to do but go to work 5 days a week and read books on my couch. Everything felt as fresh as it possibly could. And, I got the COVID-19 vaccine.
Low: The beautiful ring my partner got me for Christmas lost a gemstone and we had to drive to Syracuse not once, not twice, but three times to get it repaired. And we still don’t have it. It kept getting sent back to the store without the correct adjustments and things were overly complicated because it was an online exclusive item and couldn’t be taken care of in store (but if we didn’t go through the store, we’d be charged for the shipping and repairs each time). It’s a champagne problem but very frustrating and I just want my pretty ring back!
February 2021
High: I got a new subbing position at a middle school! I report once a week, so it doesn’t affect my other job, and I’m gaining experience in my preferred age group! Also, it’s super exciting because it’s another school district I’m forming relationships within (for future things and all that).
Low: This semester is tough. I did my coursework backwards (not worth explaining here), so I did the toughest work last semester and now have to go back to the foundations of all that stuff. I honestly don’t know which is harder: being dropped into a class without the prerequisites or being taught very in-depth steps for things I’ve already done 10 times. Last semester I was so excited about school and felt like my classes were meaningful, and this semester I just want to be done. It’s still the first month and I’m beat. I just want it to be over so I can be in a classroom. I know this sounds cocky and ignorant, but I feel like I know what I need to know at this point, and now I just need to get out there and learn from experience. It’s getting old and pointless to keep learning about how to teach on paper, when I haven’t stepped foot in a classroom in over a year.
The end is closer than it’s ever been before, hang in there and stay safe!