If you had told me a few months ago that I would be thirsting after the Anti-Christ, I would probably believe you based off my track history of men I’m attracted to, but I would still be doubtful. I’m glad to say that I know I’m not alone. American Horror Story has done a lot of things over the past 8 years. Namely, a scene of a completely naked Evan Peters being sprayed down with a strong water hose and Sarah Paulson crying and saying “I know what I saw,” but I never thought AHS would make millions of Americans attracted to the Anti-Christ. I know the past few years have been rough for AHS fans, but I actually think this season will be the one.
Like any Ryan Murphy show, the first three seasons are solid, and after that fourth one, everything kind of goes downhill. I refuse to speak of Roanoke and Cult, but I managed with Hotel and Freak Show. However, there’s something special about this season. AHS: Apocalypse has everyone and everything we’ve loved from previous seasons; witches, Jessica Lange, and of course, the rubber man. I genuinely can’t believe I’ve been sitting down once a week to watch Evan Peters get abused by a canon of the most legendary female actors over the age of 35 for the past eight years, but here I am. I won’t lie, I had low expectations. The first two episodes moved slowly and I resent any show that puts Billy Eichner in a serious role, but things are looking up. I’m not sure what’s really going on in this season though. If you’re not up to date, you’re honestly not missing much. Kathy Bates is a hybrid of Wall-E and Boo from Orange is The New Black, Evan Peters has already exposed himself, and Emma Roberts came back with her iconic “Surprise” line. Classic AHS material. This season is bringing back original characters that we loved from previous seasons and having special guest appearances from some of our favorites. Jessica Lange is coming back for a rumored one episode arch (and I’m pretty sure the only way she agreed to coming back was if Ryan Murphy gave half of the show’s budget to her), we’ll see the famed Murder House soon, and above all: the Witches. However, like any season of AHS, I have a lot of questions that remain unanswered and will most likely stay that way.
Let’s start with the most obvious one: How is the Anti-Christ that old?
Michael Langdon, son of Tate Langdon (the rubber man/ghost) and Vivian Harmon (former human, current ghost), was born around 2012. If the apocalypse occurred 18 months from the current day, how is America’s favorite satanic twink that old? He appears to be somewhere around his mid 20’s, but in an AHS timeline he should be like, eight. It’s not explained if he grows faster than humans because you know, the whole my father is a ghost thing (which also leads me to ask: do ghosts have sperm?), but I need this plot hole to be answered.
How did the Witches survive the apocalypse?
As we learned in Season 3, witches can unfortunately die, but somehow Cordelia, Zoe, Myrtle (who was burned alive and really shouldn’t be alive), and Madison are all alive. Did the witches know about the apocalypse? Did they place some type of spell on themselves? Is this all just one big dream? Who knows, I’m just glad they’re back.
Why did the costume designers decide to give Kathy Bates that haircut?
Not really a plot-related question, just general confusion.
Who is the rubber man?
If you recall from Season 1, if you died in the Murder House, you would stay there. The rubber man, the secondary villain to Dr. Harmon’s infidelity, was a ghost. Following the logic from season 1 that implies once the house is torn down, the ghost would no longer appear, how did the rubber man appear? Is it worn by a human? Are the ghosts set free in some plot-twist? Also, where is Tate? The people want Tate.
What’s the Identity Spell?
When Cordelia resurrects the 3 witches in the co-operative, she says that she placed an identity spell on all of them so they wouldn’t know about their powers. However, in a flash back later that episode, Mallory is seen in the coven with Cordelia and Zoe doing all types of tricks and being a certified Witch Baddie. However, when the apocalypse happened she was seen as a servant to Coco St. Pierre Vanderbilt (worst name in AHS history, by the way). So when was the identity spell placed? Does this confirm the theory that witches knew about the apocalypse way before everyone else?
Where is Pepper?
In the first few seasons, Pepper was the common thread between the seasons. My theory is that they forgot they were supposed to make the seasons connect and they just kind of threw Pepper in there and were like “oh yes, this is the key to the seasons. They’re all connected, you just don’t get it.” But there has been no mention of Pepper since Freak Show. Will she becoming back? I don’t know, but I sure hope so.
Speaking of Pepper, What About the Aliens?
Remember that in Season 2? The Aliens help Kit because he’s woke and they turn Pepper into a genius after abducting her. Yeah, I wasn’t crazy about that plot point either. It was literally never mentioned again, but since this is the “tie-all” seasons maybe we’ll have some answers as to what the hell the writers were thinking with that.
Maybe I’m thinking way too much about this, or perhaps there are thousands like me who have dedicated eight years of their lives to this, but we want answers Ryan Murphy. You at least owe us that after the whole Bloody Face thing. Despite my many questions, this season of AHS is actually looking up. I can’t tell if its because I have my “witch-goggles” on and I’m just blinded by the allure of female witchcraft, but I’m hopeful. I’m hopeful that the Anti-Christ Daddy will somehow turn good and humanity will be restored, and that maybe for once, things will end well. I’m hopeful that Jessica Lange will somehow come back and take over the rest of the season. I’m hopeful that we’ll see Kathy Bates in a different haircut. But like everything in the AHS world, we just won’t know until we watch it, and even then we still won’t really understand.