While in general, the common thesis regarding applying to colleges is that it’s stressful, applying to colleges during a pandemic proved to come with its own unique set of challenges. The idea of moving anywhere out of the safety of your own home, proved to be daunting, especially when the risk factor seemed to be higher than ever.
I knew since I was 12, that I was going to go out of state for college. Where exactly, I was unsure, but I knew that I could not stay in California. While there was nothing in particular, that was pushing me away from the sunny climate, endless beaches, and the alluring draw that is Los Angeles, I felt that I belonged elsewhere. So even in the midst of the pandemic, I applied to schools solely in New York because if not Los Angeles, then New York, right? The city that seems to be the most boastful brag of young professionals, seemingly full of endless opportunities, and most of all, the opportunity for a completely new start.
So, you could say that I came to this city with high hopes. This is what I’ve been dreaming of, a polar opposite to Los Angeles, and a completely new atmosphere surrounded by people who had no idea who I was. I was prepared to be washed away in an atmosphere of just being busy, with endless opportunities to see and do things, how could I ever be bored as I was in my quiet suburbia back in California.
But, it wasn’t like that. Yes, there were moments in my first few weeks where I would happen to stumble upon some magnificent view of the skyscrapers or see something so quintessentially New York that I’d think I really made it here, but most of the time I felt lost. I didn’t feel that I could call this city my new home and everywhere I went I felt as if the words “foreigner” were ingrained in my forehead for all those to see. It wasn’t familiar as California was, I couldn’t give strangers directions, couldn’t drive to my favorite spots, and be awash in a comforting familiarity. Everywhere in California was home, verses here, everything was new.
It was incredibly overwhelming. There were multiple times I called my parents, wanting to go home. I felt that I wasn’t strong enough to take in everything at once, all while being challenged in my classes. Everything that I loved about this city seemed to be testing me, and it became too much.
But, here I am, still living in this honestly beautiful (but I will say over-romanticized) city. I will have been here about two months writing this now, and I wouldn’t go back and change any of the hardship I went through in order to come out the other side with a greater appreciation of New York. I feel that if I came here fully loving it, I wouldn’t have been able to understand the beauty that came out of my trials and tribulations. Yes, living in New York is difficult (the biggest understatement of the year) but I adore it. It’s nothing like California, and I have decided that is perfectly fine.