Sex is a function performed by women, men, dogs, cats, and dolphins alike. It is not funny, awkward, embarrassing, or shameful: it’s just sex. That being said, sex can be one of the most incredible parts of life, both emotionally and physically, but the first step to getting there is being able to talk about in a healthy way. Whether that communication is strictly between you and your partner, or if you prefer expanding that conversation to a close friend or family member, you should never feel that sex is too taboo to have a serious and mature dialogue about.
Yet, for some reason, women are expected to approach the topic in a certain way; to be naive, private, and often deny having it altogether. If we express that we enjoy it (as we have every right in hell to do) we are seen as inappropriate sluts. If we express a lack of interest, we are suddenly goody-goodies. Sex that is safe and consensual is never wrong, embarrassing, or shameful, if you don’t allow it to be, that is.
I want to break down some of the topics within the sexual umbrella that are often silenced or labeled as inappropriate. These topics are huge parts of our lives, so why not find a way to talk about them in a manner that not only encourages healthy sex lives, but allows us to breathe a little?
Orgasms
I’m gonna go ahead and reiterate what we all already know: orgasms rock. For some reason, however, the female orgasm is one of those topics that many feel confused discussing. When you think about it, it’s not that complicated of an issue. Women and men alike experience orgasms that are stimulated by different external or internal factors. More so, women should be encouraged to have conversations with their partners about what feels good or what stimulates their orgasms, so that both parties can have pleasurable sexual experiences.
Masturbation
I wanted to include this after discussing orgasms because self-pleasure is an ideal way to figure out how to reach that peak. Getting to know your body is a positive and exciting way to understand what works best for you, and what kinds of sexual experiences you are looking for with a partner. If you’re confused on where to start, here is a fantastic compilation of tips from real women on how to have the best experience masturbating. Remember, it’s okay if it takes you a few different tries to figure out what stimulates and excites you – that’s what masturbation is all about!
Your Number
This number is yours, which means you don’t have to justify it to anyone, but you do have to take responsibility for it. If you are choosing to have sex with multiple partners, then you need to be taking the necessary steps to make sure that you and your respective partners are both safe. Be sure to regularly get tested for STD’s and undertake the proper safety precautions that best suit you and your lifestyle. This will make every one of your sexual encounters that much more pleasurable; never let anyone tell you that said pleasure is anything to be ashamed of. As a New School student, you can get tested for every STD and discuss birth control options that would suit you best by contacting the Student Health Services.
Virginity
The concept of virginity is a personal one; it can play a small or a large role. If your first time means a lot to you and you choose to wait until you are in love or married, that is completely okay and nobody should challenge your choice because it is your sex life, not theirs. Likewise, if you are of the opinion that your first time, and virginity as a whole, is not particularly significant in the grand scheme of things, then that’s okay too! No matter what decision you are making, as long as you are informed, comfortable, and safe, and have a partner who respects that, then never let someone tell you that you are making the wrong choice for your life.
Abstinence
There are so many reasons not to have sex, and every one of those reasons needs to be respected. From asexuality, to religious beliefs, to just needing a break, you should never be expected to always be having sex. On that note, you should never have to justify your reason for not having sex either. You never have to explain why you don’t want to have sex with someone, and if they pressure you to change your mind, then that is sexual assault and needs to be reported. You are always in charge of your body and your choices, so never let anyone make you feel like you should change for someone else’s benefit.