As we get older and start learning new things about ourselves, we inevitably change. The human being is in constant evolution: physically, mentally and emotionally. It is only natural to outgrow certain friendships when your differences start to overtake the friendship. The problem is when this feeling isn’t reciprocated. How do you let a friend know that you no longer feel the connection?
Before I go any further, I want to say how okay it is to let people go. And if you’re reading this you’ve been probably been holding on for too long. No one likes losing people they love so we want to hold on to them as much as we can. But nothing in life lasts forever and it’s healthy to want to get away from something that is not good for you. The same goes for people, sometimes we realize that who we were before isn’t who we are right now. We realize that people who were once a positive force in our lives have become a negative one. And chances are that if you feel this way, the other person will feel that way too. So be okay with letting go.
From experience, I know people deal with outgrowing friendships differently. Some, although not the best, come naturally because we want to avoid hurting the other person. There’s the phase of constantly making excuses, in which you suddenly have your agenda full at all times. You will get to a point where you’re laying in bed texting and trying to figure out your sixth excuse of the week. It’s not intentional, but you don’t know how to handle the situation anymore. Then you get tangled in a web of lies. You may then start using the silent treatment. Taking longer to answer texts, not picking up phone calls, or simply ghosting. Although we may think these are best for going around the problem, they make it worse. In the end, when you have to explain yourself and your behavior (because it will happen), you’ll just feel silly and immature.
Communication and honesty are the golden rules for these situations. Whether you choose to stay away without providing explanation or decide to be straightforward, the message is the same. Either way will create an uncomfortable moment. So the fair way to go about this would be the “grown up” one, which is to verbally communicate your feelings and decision. Not only to make everything as clear as possible but also out of respect for the other person. If this person was your friend, odds are they had an important place in your life, therefore deserve respect whether you still feel the same about them or not.
A face-to-face conversation would be the ideal situation. But it could result in an uncomfortable moment for both of you. It really depends on the type of relationship you have. In some cases, a letter would be a better way to go. Only you know the friendship and what the best way to communicate is. I wouldn’t recommend a text message or any form of informal communication though. It wouldn’t look great or convey the value of your message.
Like I always say, if you are going to do something, do it well from beginning to end. So even if your friend doesn’t understand you now, at least you gave closure without fighting, or being sneaky and childish. In a few months, the conversation (uncomfortable as it may be) will hold its worth. Even if they block you from all social media and never talk to you again, the fact that you had the courage to face the situation with honesty and respect, is a big feat you should be proud of.
Next time you find yourself in this situation, gather all your strength and do what you know is right. Talk it out, explain your feelings, and make the other person feel cared for until the end. It may be a temporary separation or forever, but if you don’t feel like the friendship is positive for your life, you too deserve to follow your own path without feeling drained by friendships that you’ve just been tolerating. Be honest with yourself and with them. Honesty will yield positive results and you will be able to go to bed with peace in your heart.