I looked outside the plane’s window on a Thursday morning in the peak of February. I remember flying over Pennsylvania and saw outside patches of snow scattered here and there like a white and bleak quilt. I was coming from Florida, so my suitcase wasn’t as packed to the brim with thick sweaters or coats but with t-shirts, jeans and shorts, along with my black boots with a layer of wool lined in its interior—my pair of shoes that became my only pair of shoes for the first few months, until I started building my budding collection of boots and sneakers.
When I first stepped outside the airport, I felt my skin tighten from the sharp and cold air that blew in my face. People walked fast. People got in their designated Ubers, or perhaps it’s their partner, parent, sister or brother’s car. I waited outside, on the edge of the road so my uncle could see me, with my large suitcase and my colorful backpack. I was starting a new life in a new city, and yet I felt like I didn’t bring enough things with me. But my sister—a New Yorker at heart who lived in Brooklyn before she left for the West Coast—told me to keep my load light since in New York City, you don’t stay in one place.
The night before I left my comfortable suburban home in Florida to move to the Big City, I couldn’t sleep. I’m moving to the city of my dreams, I’m going to leave the nest to be on my own, I kept thinking to myself. It’s scary to move out and be by yourself; yet it’s also empowering to take control of your life. I was finally free. But with this freedom also came a huge chunk of responsibilities that weighed me down, sometimes to the point that I had to drag my feet to keep going. It’s hard being a young adult just trying to make it out in the world: you have to pay rent and bills, do your own groceries and cooking, work whilst also trying to balance studying and your relationships. This isn’t an accomplishment that you work towards, but rather a journey because no one is able to achieve the perfect life or the perfect routine.
I previously worked at the FRIENDS Experience in Midtown Manhattan. Kind of ironic, since the 90s TV series is such a superficial portrayal of living in New York City; it’s applaudable that Rachel is leaving behind the comforts of her former rich fiancée and rich parents to make it out on her own, but it’s not an accurate portrayal of the struggle. I worked at the Experience since its first launch back in March 2021, working part-time during the weekends until I got a second job at a bar during the summer. I would go to my morning shift at the Experience, walking only for 20 minutes, then go home and take a one hour nap before jumping on the 6 train Uptown for my night shift at the bar. Sometimes I go straight from one job to another so I’m not late. I would go home at 2 a.m. and then wake up six hours later to go to my morning class. This was a cycle for some time until I had a breakdown from how burnt out I was.
I am constantly seeking balance—the balance between school, work and living my life as a 20-something in New York City. So far, my journey has been full of trials and tribulations, but it’s a work in progress. It’s particularly difficult with the pressure from my family, professors and my boss to get it done. “It” as in a number of things: finish school and graduate, submit a project by a certain deadline, come to work on time, be reliable, have exceptional customer service, do this, do that, be this, be perfect. It gets to the point where I feel like I’m suffocating. For a while, I wanted someone to pull me out from the depths of an endless oblivion that could cost me my mental health or I’ll just sink. I realized that, after all I’ve been through, no one else can do it except yourself. A cliche statement, but if you really want to make it out in the world, it’s not friends, it’s not family, it’s yourself that needs to help you.
I realized this when I was dating around and meeting new people. I was trying to seek the comforts of being with somebody, the same way I felt when I was in my previous relationship. To feel someone’s support, guidance and unconditional love. This approach only gave me bad experiences and taught me important lessons on dating and relationships. I’ll outline a few if you’re curious, but here are a few no-nos I learned throughout my experiences in the dating world:
- Don’t immediately say yes to a stranger who asks you out for a drink. I was walking down First Ave to pick up medicine for my cold when a stranger complimented my outfit and mannerism. We made small talk, he asked for my number, and we went out for drinks. I thought this would be one of those build-ups in romantic movies, since it felt like it came from a typical rom-com or K-drama. Plot-twist: he just wanted to get under my pants.
- Don’t assume just because he seems like a good guy, he’s “the one.” I had this very experience with one of my first friends-turned-roommates from The New School. He led me to believe that maybe we should be together, since he seemed smart, charming and was intimate with me. Only later I realized that he really wasn’t interested and never was. It turned into a complicated shitshow. We no longer talk, but I hope he reads this and realizes that he was an actual asshole.
- Don’t use dating apps to meet people. Please. I thought this would be a great idea to meet a variety of interesting people. It didn’t turn out like what people expect from dating apps where they just want to sleep around—there are people who want to meet somebody. But it doesn’t feel natural. I remember going on a date with someone from NYU. He seemed like a great guy—smart, funny and humble with an interesting background. But the connection was as cold as that night. Or when I went on a dinner date with this great guy. Good job, good head on his shoulders and considerate. But he flaked on our second date. Which I’m grateful for because that’s how I came to know my boyfriend.
His name is Jésus and he was born and raised in the Bronx. We share a passion and love for food and he introduced me to a number of fantastic spots (you can follow our journey to discover new restaurants and eateries via @themunchies.nyc). He grew up in New York City and knows it like I know my native language, Tagalog. He showed me new ways to look at and appreciate the city. Two weeks into dating, he took me to Queens to go bowling, and then showed me a park by the East River that had an extraordinary view of Upper Manhattan’s skyline. The first time we hung out, he picked me up from my bar job and we explored the Brooklyn Bridge. It was almost three in the morning and, although it’s the city that never sleeps, it was surprisingly quiet. In the middle of the bridge, he made me stand where I could see both the glittering lights of Lower Manhattan and Downtown Brooklyn.
There’s nothing more special than the dates he brings me on, where he takes me to a new restaurant and gives me new experiences each time. And each time, I grow fonder of him and the city. A week ago, we went on a last minute adventure to Little Italy, where the annual Feast of San Gennaro was being held. I wasn’t familiar with Little Italy myself, but this experience gave me an understanding of it while making me appreciate it. We ate authentic and homemade Italian pasta and Jésus spoke Italian with the vendor. We tried gelato from the famous Napoli cafe, along with tiramisu, cheesecake and cannoli. Then, we finished the night off with carnival games where we won a stuffed pug toy, firecrackers and a goldfish.
New York City is one of the most interesting cities that I’ve had the pleasure to explore. It’s like a papier-mâché of a variety of cultures, personalities, perspectives, upbringings, ideas, love, experiences, stories and life. Students who go to The New School, or those reading this who live in New York (whether you were born and raised or just an outsider who recently moved in), are lucky to be living in one of the biggest cities in the world. To be a young adult in college just trying to make it on their own, I applaud you. It’s not easy, especially in this time when we’re going through a pandemic. You are brave for taking that first step and moving to the city (and for those who have lived here their whole lives, you are brave, PERIOD. New York City can be intimidating). Keep going. You’ll get there.