Two months ago, I moved to New York City from the suburbs of North Carolina. As a kid, I dreamed of the day I would get to call the city my home, and now I finally can. However, the city has yet to feel like home to me. If anything, it feels like I have been transported into a different universe. Now don’t get me wrong, I do not regret moving here, nor do I plan on moving back home anytime soon, but moving here and starting college during a pandemic was not what I had in mind.
Growing up, I have repeatedly been told that the city is lonely and can make one feel small among the crowds of people on the streets. However, experiencing it is a whole different ball game. Starting school only made this feeling of loneliness worse. This is my first time being in person for classes since the pandemic and my first year in college. I instantly felt lost and out of place on the first day of school. Not only was I being thrown into college without much guidance from my high school, but I was also in a new environment away from my family and friends. Thankfully, I live with my brother off-campus, which has made the whole experience a lot easier. However, despite seeing my brother on a daily basis, I still miss those back home.
Since moving, I haven’t been able to meet new friends in the city. Meeting new people has always been hard for me and after being in online school for over a year, meeting new people is a lot harder and scarier. I also tend to brush people off and reply to all conversations with short one-word responses of “okay” or “yeah” or with awkward head nods, which I totally blame on my star sign, Scorpio. Nevertheless, socialization is defiantly not my strong suit.
My academic life has also been just as much, if not more challenging . As a first-year college student, trying to figure out how college works can be confusing and frustrating. Being in online school for the past year or so as a result of the pandemic, and the sudden change to in-person classes has been nerve-wracking, to say the least. Not only was I meeting new people face to face, but I was also placed in classes that were still having to adjust to the pandemic. One out of the four classes I am taking this semester is online, so not much has changed for me in that class academically. However, my in-person classes have been a bit tougher. I often remain quiet most of the class time as if I was on mute in a Zoom meeting. This silence is not new or obscure for me, but I found that the silence had a new meaning. Before, my silence in class came from shyness, but now it comes from a disconnect with my education. I feel detached from my classes and often wonder how I ended up feeling insecure in my academic abilities. Before, I was always confident that I would successfully pass all my classes with a somewhat decent understanding of the course’s content. Now I am unsure about my academic ability to succeed in my classes.
With all that being said, trying to find my place in a new environment and trying to adjust to big changes in life has been extremely difficult. However, I know that I am not alone in these struggles. Everyone experiences major life changes like moving or starting a new school. With those changes come good days and bad days. Some days it feels great to be in the city and to attend classes of interest like my online screen studies class. Other days I feel lost and get the urge to buy a plane ticket home to North Carolina. In all honesty, I am still learning how to deal with feelings of loneliness and homesickness, but I know that I will be able to push through the struggles and find my place in NYC.