On Friday, March 31st, I attended Feminist Friday at the NC State Women’s Center. The Movement Peer Educators, a group of students at NC State trained in Interpersonal Violence Prevention education for other students at NC State, held a “How To Say No” workshop.
The President of the Movement, Fiona Prestemon, began with two discussion questions.
- How do you know when you want to say no?
- I know that I want to say no when it’s hard for me to say yes.
- I want to say no when I’m uncomfortable, or I don’t have time for the activity.
- I know that I want to say no when it’s hard for me to say yes.
- What factors or identities make it easier or hard for you to say no?
- For me, being a student makes it hard for me to say no because I want to do everything I can while I’m in college. It’s especially hard when I know something will look good on a resume.
- For me, being a student makes it hard for me to say no because I want to do everything I can while I’m in college. It’s especially hard when I know something will look good on a resume.
After these discussion questions, The Movement went over boundaries and the different types that a person might have such as rigid, porous, and healthy. Healthy boundaries were explained with an analogy of a fence, being able to open and close as you wish.
The Movement also spoke about how boundaries may change with context.
After going over boundaries, we had a moment to reflect on our habits of saying no.
- In what areas of your life may the word “no” need to be utilized more?
- For me, I need to use “no” more in my social life. I love to do things with people, but sometimes I need to take a moment for myself and prioritize things I need to work on.
- What roles or identities do you hold that prevent you from upholding boundaries?
- Being a friend to someone can make it a lot harder to say no, especially since you don’t want to upset them.
- Being a friend to someone can make it a lot harder to say no, especially since you don’t want to upset them.
Finally, we went over some scenarios and discussed how to say no or set boundaris in the situation and if it’s necessary for you to say no.
For example, your friend gives someone your phone number without. How do you set a boundary when it’s already been crossed?
Another scenario was that you parent keeps coming into your room uninvited when you’re home over break and they get mad when you lock the door. Since this is an invasion of privacy, it’s a good idea to discuss boundaries with your parents.
At the end, we partnered up and practiced saying no to a partner. When I asked my partner if they would like to go for coffee, they responded no, and so I replied “Thanks for taking care of yourself.”
Overall, I thought this workshop was helpful because it can be hard to say no and it can be hard to accept a no. However, knowing that it’s okay to say it is important because saying no is part of taking care of yourself.
If you’re interested in getting involved with The Movement Peer Educators, they are having another workshop called “Supporting Survivors” on April 20th from 6-7 PM in the Women’s Center. You can also follow them on Instagram @ncsu_themovement.