In 2017, more sexual abuse survivors are coming forward to courageously share stories in the public eye than ever before. This year, a dishearteningly long list of 63 women and counting have come forth to share their stories of assault perpetrated by Hollywood film producer, Harvey Weinstein.
The recent highly publicized accounts of sexual abuse in the entertainment industry have left ripples in our nation, creating a buzzing discussion about sexual assault in our nation that is well overdue — and there is a lot to talk about.
While perpetrators are responsible for their crimes, it is also to be acknowledged that our society in the Western world has bred a pernicious culture that reinforces violence against women.
There are cultural norms such as violent and toxic masculinity, rape culture and racist stereotypes about assault that reinforce dangerous behavior and assumptions.
This culture can also be found in numerous facets of our society, in the way we speak about assault and even in arenas of the law. Sexual coercion and violence against women is a painstakingly prevalent feature of our culture.
We consume media on the daily that perpetuates these narratives of violence against women, superiority over women and detrimental stereotypes of men being domineering, aggressive figures. These images become so familiar that we are often desensitized to storytelling and a culture that incessantly illustrates violence against women.
Sexual assault and rape are commonly brushed off as an “inevitable” or “unpreventable” occurence. There are countless preventive measures to sexual assault that are commonly forgotten or brushed off.
It should be understood and ackowledged that men are also survivors of sexual assault. With that being understood, it also should be taken into account that statistics show 90 percent of sexual assault cases are perpetrated by men, leading to my focus specifically being on men in this article.
I am calling on all men to set the bar higher.
To be better than just not being a rapist or the perpetrator.
To be better than a person that just posts their support for survivors on social media but does not go any further.
To these men, I have some questions that I think may be beneficial to ask oneself.
1. Do you present yourself as a trustworthy friend someone could confide in about sexual assault?
Survivors of sexual assault need people that they can trust to confide in. More often than not, survivors are not believed when they share their stories, adding more trauma to their already devastating circumstance. It can be difficult for anyone to know which one of their friends or family members are willing and able to hear their extremely difficult stories. Friends that assert themselves as a listening ear and as an understanding person will make it significantly easier for them to share their story.
2. Are you using your platform to speak against it?
When highly publicized cases of sexual assault come forth in the media, are you taking upon yourself to condemn these acts on your social platforms and to your friends and family? Yes, it is not necessary to declare your stance on an issue on social media in order to genuinely believe it — that’d be a silly assertion. However, for survivors, it makes it easier to differentiate supports of sexual assault survivors once people explicitly state their disgust on the issue on their platforms.
3. How do you speak about sexual assault with your family and friends?
If you hear a friend make a joke about rape or assault, what do you do? Do you ignore it or simply change the topic? We need to have higher standards for not just how we speak about this topic, but how we respond to our the way our ffriends and family speak about it. Tolerating any sort of joke or casual talk about assault is unacceptable — and you shouldn’t tolerate anyone in your personal circle cracking tasteless jokes about it, either. Let them know that it is NOT OK. On another note, It’s important to remember that speaking about the topic of assault in a nonchalant manner can potentially trigger survivors that you encounter as well.
Be conscious of how you speak on this topic and how the others around you discuss this very sensitive matter.
4. Are you still supporting those accused of sexual assault?
If we still support and stand behind those in the public eye or in our personal circles who are perpetrators of assault, then we are consciously asserting that is an acceptable behavior. Don’t download the music of abusers, or purchase tickets to see their movies or maintain friendships with them.
5. Would you intervene?
If you find yourself in a situation where you are even a little bit concerned that someone is sexually harassing or assaulting a person, would you step in? It may be easier to decide on “minding your own business” or to second guess yourself if you’re unsure if someone else is crossing the line. If you have any hesitations whatsoever about someone potentially assaulting or harassing another person, trust those instincts — while keeping your own safety as a key priority as well.
I ask that you ask yourself these questions and take into consideration how you may or may not be contributing to a toxic culture that perpetuates these harmful normatives of assault.
It is not enough to exclude yourself from the issue of sexual assault and from those suffering around you just because you have not raped someone or are consciously aware that you would never assault someone.
It is not enough to just simply not be a perpetrator of assault in the current climate that we inhabit in the Western world that is inundated with rape culture and skeptics of survivors’ stories.
The bar needs to be set higher for everyone in 2017 — and yes, I’m calling on you, men. Be aware of your surroundings, condemn those around you who joke about rape or assault, quit supporting rapists and assaulters in popular culture and in your own personal life.