A Letter to My Crush

Dear Crush,

Love letters are slightly outdated — no one does this anymore. However, I needed to find a way to get you off my mind without actually letting you know that you’re on my mind. You may be wondering when exactly this started. Actually, you may be wondering who I am, but we’ll get to that later. First off, this started at a time when I didn’t expect it. I found myself unintentionally noticing you, and before I realized it, it was already too far along to stop. Let me just say this: I don’t want to like you. I don’t want to notice how you smile with your eyes, how kind your heart is, how I see God in you and how a vein runs through the center of your forehead when you’re thinking hard. I simply can’t help it, and I blame you for that. Stop giving me reasons to smile whenever I think of you or to laugh whenever I recall your name. Also, maybe you could just stop talking to me, so I can stop over-analyzing conversations for signs that you like me, or wish that I had said something different or nothing at all [maybe that’s a stretch, but just stop giving me reasons to like you]. 

The worst part of this is that I doubt you’re intentionally trying to make me like you. I doubt you’re even aware of my feelings. You’re probably not even doing anything, and I’m the one making it into something. Well, in that case, I say do not even not do anything. Just let me live, cool?

Now that I’ve established the fact that I have feelings for you that I don’t want, it’s only fair that I let you know who I am. That way, you can avoid me, right? So, I’m a girl who doesn’t need a boyfriend. Frankly, I don’t have the time, and I have too many things I want to accomplish to be distracted by you. So, who am I? I’m a girl. With that being said, avoid girl(s). Don’t be nice to girl(s) and don’t give girl(s) a reason to like you.

I know: this is ridiculous. It’s just… whenever I see you my heart beats dramatically, my stomach tingles sporadically and my mind goes blank… but, I just can’t tell you. And, please believe me when I say that I’ve tried. I’ve told myself repeatedly that I don’t like you, but it is in vain. 

I’m confused.

Still, I think I’ll get over you.


Your Secret Admirer