The last time I wrote an article, I was in a very bad place: my mental health was going down the drain, I was suffering from a ruinous heartbreak, and my grades were dropping – you know the drill. To put it plainly, things sucked. There was this one particularly awful night where I was self-loathing, and so as one does, I put on my crying playlist. Then, I crawled onto the floor, sniffling and teary-eyed, grabbed some washi tape, and decorated the knobs on my dresser. Every once in a while, I had to stop trying to control my tears because I could not even see out of my eyes. I was crying so much.
This might seem like a bizarre anecdote to share, but I promise I have a point. I would like to classify that night as one of my lowest points in a long, long time. I went to bed that night a complete mess. I cried myself to sleep and woke up the following day feeling emotionally annihilated. But then, I looked over and saw my weirdly decorated dresser. At that moment, something clicked inside my head, telling me that “enough is enough.”
The tiny flowers imprinted on the tape made me smile. I had done an excellent job decorating, despite being blinded by tears. I thought to myself that if I could do a little DIY decorating in the midst of what felt like losing my mind, I was capable of a whole lot more. However, things did not just miraculously get better after that. There were still times when I cried myself to sleep and was paralyzed with sadness, but my flowery dresser knobs reminded me that things would turn out alright.
Since that horrible night, I’m pleased to say that my life has gotten a lot better. I’m smiling again (multiple times a day!), I am not feeling as anxious, I can make decisions for myself, I am not stressing over some dumb boy who I do not actually like, and most importantly, I am okay with not feeling my best all the time. We all have moments when we think things can’t get better, but they do.
If any of this sounds familiar to you, I thought I’d recommend a few things that helped me during my darkness. Of course, none of these things are a cure, but they helped alleviate the pain somehow.
- Cry as many times as you want, no matter how stupid and pathetic you feel. Some people may disagree, but I am a firm believer in feeling your emotions as much as you need to. If you are sad about someone breaking your heart and want to cry about it for the next 100 days, do it. Even if it is just for five seconds a day, let yourself feel what you need to handle, and you will eventually move on.
- Treat yourself every day. Whether things are great or terrible, you deserve a reward. These rewards could be a bowl of ice cream after dinner, signing up for a new workout class, going on a walk, or buying yourself that bag of All-Dressed chips- it could be anything! Life is tough, so treat yourself. When I was in the pits of my despair, my daily treat was the one thing I could count on to make me happy for a split second.
- Be alone! I used to love being alone, but for whatever reason, I had become dependent on the people around me, and I could not function without them. So, I forced myself to be alone a lot. By being alone, I do not just mean not being physically around people. I mean: stop texting people, stop watching their stories, and stop snooping on Instagram. Try existing without thinking about anyone else and their lives. You will free yourself, I promise.
- Have something to look forward to. Similar to my philosophy on treating yourself daily, have something that you can look forward to. The current things keeping me afloat are the concerts I am going to this summer and my trip to Banff with my friend.
- Do not be afraid to ask for help. God, I know I must sound so incredibly cheesy when I say this, but it is true: do not be afraid to ask for help. When I was in my dark place, I enlisted the help of not one, but TWO psychiatrists. Having them, my parents, and my friends in my corner was a blessing. Obviously, asking for help will look different for everybody but find those people in your life that you can trust, and do not be afraid to check out some new paths that you think may be helpful in your journey.
And that, my friends, are the little bits of wisdom I have conjured up to share with you today. If you are in a current phase of life where you are crying on the floor, listening to Olivia Rodrigo’s songs that feel like a knife to the heart, just know that it will not last forever. No matter what happens to you, the sun will rise tomorrow, and you will be given a fresh start.