Coming Together To End The Orgasm Gap: 5 Books On Sex You Need To Read

I used to be reluctant to the idea of reading self-help books on sex. After all, I had learned all I needed to know from reading Cosmo, watching porn, and sex ed in high school.

Just kidding.

In our sex-negative culture (check out #2 on this list to find out what this means!), it can be hard to find actual advice on how to have enjoyable sex as a woman (the kind where you get to come too (!). Woman's pleasure is often overlooked, leading to things like the orgasm gap.

After talking to my friends and encounters with men, I was outraged by the orgasm inequality that just seems to come with having heterosexual sex. Some statistics:

"50% of 18-35-year-old women say they have trouble reaching orgasm with a partner

64% of women vs 91% of men said they had an orgasm at their last sexual encounter

55% of men vs. 4% of women say they usually reach orgasm during first-time hookup sex" (Becoming Cliterate)

This is terrible but not shocking. It is the outcome in a society where women have to perform sexual labour for men at the expense of their own pleasure, women are slut-shamed when they do have sex, or forced to do so when they don't (sexual assault), woman's sexuality is repressed and women are discouraged from exploring theirs, and there are just too many myths and culturally perpetuated lies about woman's bodies. 

But the main issue lies with how we think about sex in the first place. According to Dr. Laurie Mintz (check out #1 on this list!), thinking about sex solely in terms of penetration, which is how most men usually achieve orgasm, has created a pleasure gap for women, who are more likely to orgasm from clitoral stimulation. Science now shows that something as important, if not even more important than the penis has been ignored for far too long: the clitoris. 

Folks, we need to take the matter in our own hands. Literally.

Whether you want to get more in touch with your sexuality, or to introduce toys to your masturbating sessions, or to figure out why the hell you can't seem to come with a partner, or to know how to have sex with another woman (two queer sex books on this list!), this list of self-help books on sex is here for you (unlike that one night stand who didn't make you come).

So get reading people, let's get this orgasm.

1. Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—And How to Get It by Laurie Mintz

In Becoming Cliterate, psychology professor and sexuality expert Dr. Laurie Mintz invites us all to become cliterate and come together to change our collective perspective of sex and to practice orgasm equality. What's more, you can borrow this book from the McGill Library!

2. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski

This book changed my (sex) life. If you have ever been frustrated by not being able to come during sex, this book is for you. Debunking myths and encouraging self-love and sexual exploration, Dr. Emily Nagoski not only offers an enjoyable read but also ways to explore your body. Like Becoming Cliterate, you can borrow this book from the McGill Library!

3. Girl Sex 101 by Allison Moon and K.D. Diamond

"Girl Sex 101 is a sex-ed book like no other, offering helpful info for ladies and lady-lovers of all genders and identities, playful and informative illustrations on each page, and over 100 distinct voices, plus a hot narrative that shows you how to put the info to good use!" (Goodreads)

This queer sex self-help book is a must if you want to learn more about female sexuality. 

4. Oh Joy Sex Toy by Erika Moen

This book is great for those who want to introduce toys into their sex life. Part comic, part infographic, Oh Joy Sex Toy gives you the tools to bring more joy to your sex life.

5. The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us by Felice Newman

"The Whole Lesbian Sex Book was the first-ever sex guide to offer information and encouragement for all women who desire women -- lesbian, bisexual, butch, femme, androgynous, and transgender. First published in 1999, it's been lauded for its thoroughness, enthusiastic tone, and creative, nonjudgmental approach to lesbian sex in all its rich variety...Now, five years later, sex educator Felice Newman has completely updated this classic guide." (Goodreads)

This book has been a classic. Now with the updated version, queer women will find it helpful to explore or improve their sex life.

Happy reading and orgasming!

 

Information obtained from:

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24819402-girl-sex-101?from_search=true

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/257158.Whole_Lesbian_Sex_Book?ac=1&f...

 

Images from:

http://www.harvard.com/book/becoming_cliterate_why_orgasm_equality_matte...

https://microcosmpublishing.com/catalog/books/6333

https://www.amazon.ca/Girl-Sex-101-Allison-Moon/dp/0983830959

https://topatoco.com/products/moen-ojst-book01

https://www.amazon.ca/Whole-Lesbian-Sex-Book-Passionate/dp/1573441996