It isn’t easy to face something that has shattered you before. The sheer remembrance of a macabre memory is embedded into your heart, and it hurts like a hot branding iron. At that moment, you enter a state of limbo, and everything around you becomes uncertain. It’s a roller coaster of emotions. One moment everything seems fine, and the next, everything seems to be falling apart. Our vision is narrowed. We can only see the scars, scars that set fires within us, inebriate our souls. We draw over our bodies with blades to cope with pain, sorrow and grief. It’s those moments where we forget the strength and power that resides within us. Our thoughts and emotions can not be separated. We feel because of the thoughts we have, and we think because of the emotions. We can not deny the feelings that erupt within us. They are valid whether you understand its source or haven’t figured it out yet. There will be times that would make you feel like there’s a gaping hole in your chest, that’s void of everything. You’ll feel like your worst enemy, hate yourself for being unable to control your thoughts and emotions. But it’s alright; we are allowed to feel this way. We’re allowed to paint our pillows with tears at 2 AM if we want to if we need to. What we fail to realize is that just like a phoenix, we will rise from the ashes, stronger and better.
If I could go back in time and advise my younger self, I’d tell her not to worry, for life will find something that will heal all the scars it has endured. Nathaniel Hawthorne, the American novelist, said, “Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”. It could be a person who makes you believe in the idea of happiness. It could be a story or a poem you read that helps you cope with your thoughts. Heck, it could just be you on your own, who has an epiphany at lunch that finally makes you realize your worth, your happiness. Everything around us, people, books, thoughts, is art and, life imitates art.
Life is like a stream in a forest; it keeps encountering hurdles yet, it keeps flowing. We break and make ourselves, again and again. It’s like a never-ending cycle. I would not call the cycle ‘vicious’ for we need both the sorrow and joy in life to truly understand life. It’s the universal truth- that change is constant, and that is the hope we that keeps us going. The hope of a silver lining, sunshine after the storm, for a better tomorrow, that’s what keeps us alive, keeps us hopeful. And if that’s not brave, I do not know what is.