Thoughts I Had While Buying My First Vibrator

 

Let’s face it, sex toys rock. They’re big, small, loud, quiet, hard, soft, and any other vaguely suggestive adjective you can think of. Being a major proponent of sexual health and empowerment, I felt like a total phony for not having a toy of my own. So, with two of my best friends and a $50 budget, I set off to the Smitten Kitten in Minneapolis to buy myself a damn vibrator. This being a brand new and admittedly awkward experience, I certainly had some thoughts…image credit

“This is fun and not at all terrifying!”

“What am I DOING?”

“Can I justify spending money on this?

“Yeah I totally can.”

“Can I though?”

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“Dear God we’re here.”

“Literally WHY am I nervous about this?”

“Oh these employees are hella chill.”

“Wait, best retail gig ever? Y’all hiring?”

“There truly are a million vibrators.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS $200!”

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“Damn, okay, I have to lower my standards I guess. I didn’t even realize I had standards.”

“How do I turn this off?”

“Oh no did I break this??”

"Nah I'm good."

“$30 is way more my speed, cool.”

“Why are these so cute?”

"HOW DO YOU CHOOSE?"

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“Holding all of these vibes has my hands feeling WEIRD.”

“There are a lot of factors in this decision.”

“I think I feel overwhelmed?”

“Okay you know what, I just have to pick one.”

“I like this one, it has 5 settings AND it looks like a lightsaber???”

“SOLD.”

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“Wait, do I need lube?”

“This lube to vibrator material compatibility chart is everything.”

“Orange tangerine scented water-based lube? Sign me up.”

“Can I afford this?”

“Sure I can.”

“I have been here for an hour.”

“I could probably be here forever.”

“I’ll be back.”

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Obviously, my experience will not be yours. Nonetheless, believe me when I say that there are an overwhelming amount of options of sex toys on the market for you to browse, and I guarantee there is one (or many!) that is just right for you and your wants. Plus, there is a massive price range for sex toys that will fit any budget. I ended up spending $45 for my vibe and lube, and that felt right for me. Find a store that you feel safe and comfortable in, and go buck wild. Not only is it sexy and empowering to shop for a sex toy, it's also fun! Go with your best friend, your significant other, or by yourself!  Your sexuality is important, and purchasing a sex toy is one great way to take your sexual health and identity into your own hands.