A Bittersweet Farewell To Dr. Professor

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Kiwi-Strawberry University’s prides itself on its faculty members, who are equipped with years of experience in drinking only vitaminwater. Amongst the most beloved of K-SU’s faculty is Dr. Professor. Known for his impassioned speeches, sporadic curriculum, and relentless dedication to fruit flavor, Dr. Professor is without a doubt a campus favorite.

Unfortunately, in wake of Dr. Professor’s students reporting his classes as becoming “incomprehensible” and “none of this makes sense,” Dr. Professor announced last week that he will be taking indefinite leave.

The news spread on campus, inspiring K-SU students to share their fondest memories of Dr. Professor. “Dr. Professor’s classes were the best because they were also the easiest–which is saying a lot at Kiwi-Strawberry University,” Jason, Class of 2020, reports. “I’ll always remember doing absolutely nothing in Dr. P’s class. Some of my most cherished memories.”

On his uncertain future, Dr. Professor acknowledged that he knew one thing for sure: “I don’t know where I’ll go, or who I’m going to become, but wherever I end up, I am confident that I will be drinking vitaminwater.”

Dr. Professor, it’s safe to say that you will be sorely missed.

(Although Dr. Professor is on indefinite leave, he can still be reached at [email protected])