Have I gone heartless? Am I a complete demonic monster that I can’t find any part of me to care for anything right now? Is it wrong of me to feel as if all of my love and care in my body has gone missing? Yes. I sound completely dramatic. I sound like the typical heart-broken girl that’s ranting on and on about how miserable she is. But that’s where you’re wrong. After being mistreated and betrayed so many times in your life, it’s hard NOT to feel this way.
Today, I felt my heart get a little colder. I felt it sink down to my stomach as hear the words of betrayal and disloyalty pour out of a so called friends mouth. It was weird. I understood every word that came out of her mouth, but somehow it didn’t hurt. I didn’t mind it. It’s almost as if I gave up. Sometimes you give and you give and you get nothing back. You feel empty. (Yes. For all of you movie fiascos, I did get that line from Silver Linings Playbooks). It’s like you give yourself so many chances to be selfish and you just give it to the next person in line. You love and nurture everyone else but yourself. After a while it gets tiring.
Why would I be heartless? Is it because of boys? Maybe. But I think it’s the lack of appreciation that I get from people that makes me such a cold-hearted bitch… for a lack of better terms. Everyday I hear someone tell me “you changed” or “you switched up on me”. Going to school with 1987 responsibilities and being a tad bit busy all of the time does not mean I switched up. That simply means that I’ve grown up and maybe I can’t go out and party every night or I can’t text you 24/7 asking if you watched the latest episodes of Teen Wolf. After hearing those words so many times over and over again, I stopped caring to fight back and explain myself about how I still value a friendship or a relationship. If someone needs me to explain the love I had for them, my love isn’t worthy for them. As cocky and selfish that may sound, it’s true. I don’t need to provide people with my undivided attention and respect to get little to nothing back.
So it’s time to be selfish and be heartless. Cut people off. Go ahead. Work on yourself. Shake off all the negative energy and shine. Leave everything that’s holding you back and embrace yourself and your qualities. It’s time to let go of the fact that not everyone may be as caring as you are or as loyal as you. So yes, in conclusion, I think it is okay to be heartless. Sometimes you have to be selfish and remember at the end of the day, anyone can ruin your day, but you are the one who ultimately decides whether or not you let it affect you.
This is possibly the most negative motivational blog post that I have ever written, and must I say, it feels damn good.