The month of October had challenged me mentally and physically. If you didn’t pick up from the title, last month had pushed me to my limits. Once November 1st hit, i started to reflect on the month. This allowed me to turn a negative into a positive, ultimately changing my outlook for the months to come. I hope they do for you.
Lesson #1
No matter how hard you try to prepare yourself for failure, it’s never going to match up to when it happens.
This hit me HARD this month. I didn’t realize how hard I tried to avoid failure up until this point. The preparation did NOTHING for me. I still felt the failure 100 times harder than I could’ve ever imagined. Whether it’s failure or facing hard situations, you never know how you’re going to respond to situations. For me, I was stressed all month so as the bad news and events started to pile on, I was straying further and further away from my safety net. I was practically vulnerable. Looking back, I think being vulnerable was the best option for me. If I tried putting up an unsteady shield, it was license for disaster. I also wouldn’t have been able to get to this point of reflection.
Lesson #2
Hitting a low helped me realize that it’s okay to hit a low, because the only way is up.
This was another hard thing that I had to face. I was so afraid to get to low and to feel the despair. I came to realize though, how will I ever know the feeling of pure success if I don’t even know what the low feels like? Even if I didn’t know how to handle this month, I can grow from the learning experience. Little by little, you start to pick up the pieces and really analyze what you’ve done up until this point. I hit a low and I’ve learned to handle it as best as I could.
Lesson #3
The things you face are the things you can handle. As much as you want to deny the fact, YOU are capable of many things. Not until you take a step back, you’d be surprise at what the things you’ve been put through. I felt that whole-heartedly with last month. I was placed under so much stress, not only academically, but as an RA and even my health. We are always tested on our limits, certain situations help you prepare for when it’s go time. As much as we try to stay humble, we truly don’t realize the full potential we have to get things done.
Lesson #4
Your failure doesn’t define you.
I failed my Organic Chemistry test, like completely annihilated. I had prepared for this test in confidence in the two weeks prior. It honestly felt like a slap in the face. After getting my results back, I had found myself sitting in my professor’s office frantically wiping my tears. I was too afraid to say it out loud. I wasn’t taking ownership for my failures, I was ashamed of them. Not until I said my failures out loud, did I start to feel at ease. Once I had said to my peers that I had failed, I started to get a clear vision and game plan as to what I was going to do next. The only way is up right? I’m coming for you Exam 3!
Lesson #5
LISTEN TO YOUR BODY!
The gym is my destresser, this month it became my enemy. Whilst finishing showing my friend how to dead a weighted squat with more weight than normal, I felt a searing pain in my right quadricep. I walked it off since the pain went away instantly but as the days went on, it would come back sporadically. What I came to realize it was based off my stress levels. The weekend I went home, I didn’t experience any muscle spasms whereas when I was up at school I would experience the spasms at least twice a day. My sleep schedule was off nor was I doing anything to take care of the pulled muscle. I then started sleeping in, drank lots of water and even to my dismay, I backed off the gym for two weeks. Slowly but surely, as my body started to relax, my muscle started to heal. This muscle pull helped me realize that I wasn’t taking care of my body especially tending to it when it was under stress. Your body is a temple, cherish it!
Lesson #6
Shit happens, either stay down or pick yourself back up and dust off the dirt.
This month I realized that feeling sorry for myself wasn’t going to cut it because I was the only one letting myself down. Once I allow myself the time I need, I need to pick myself up and dust off the dirt to move onto bigger and better things. You can either make it a palace or prison, am I right ladies?
Lesson #7
Throw your own damn pity party.
This sounds like it contradicts the last thing I said, but if it’s done in moderation it definitely does help. I realized that it’s okay to cry and it’s absolutely okay to be sad. Last month I faced a lot of issues as an RA, one of them really getting to me. I found out the news that day and I was in pure shock. I tried not to let my emotion shows because I was too ashamed to even admit it. For some reason though, I allowed myself to wallow in my sadness and then an hour later, I ended up feeling better. So yeah, throw that damn pity party.
Lesson #8
Finally, I’ve come to realize in my time of despair, I have people behind me.
No I am never a person to rely on people, ESPECIALLY when it comes to exploiting my failures and bad days. This time, part of me allowed myself to let people in. Through it all, bad test grade, pulled muscle and RA stuff, there was not one time where I felt alone. I had people on my side, whether it was my Organic Chemistry Professor allowing me to cry in their office (true story) or my wonderful Residence Coordinator canceling the staff meeting to be there for me. I felt so loved this month and it was something that I definitely needed. In times of need, there are people there.