When you’re a kid, you only know happy endings and it is what you expect out of a book, movie, or whatever story you’re consuming at the time. In the end, everyone falls in love perfectly, or everything is healed, or the hero saves the day every single time. But real life isn’t like that. Real life can be heartbreaking, anxiety-inducing, bittersweet, and crushing, on top of the happy moments. Time and time again, John Green proves that he understands this and creates stories that are true and feel very real: they are stories that reflect life and the imperfections of it. Turtles All the Way Down is no exception to this rule. If you have known me since high school, you know that I love John Green, so it should not be taken lightly when I say that Turtles might now be my favorite novel of his. Green stated while working on Turtles that it is the most personal of his novels, and it shows within the first few pages. Green has been open in the past about his struggles with anxiety, which are presented in the form of sixteen-year-old Aza Holmes, our narrator. While this is a novel about solving mysteries, Star Wars fanfiction, a fancy reptile, and figuring out your first love, it is also about Aza’s struggle with her anxiety disorder – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder specifically, like Green – and how it affects her on the daily. Her anxiety is so ever-present throughout the pages that it quickly becomes a character in and of itself. The beginning of the novel finds Aza and her best friend, Daisy, finding out about the reward available for whoever finds runaway billionaire Russell Pickett. Aza used to know Russell’s son, Davis, so her and Daisy set off to his house to do some investigating. They quickly run into Davis, which finds Aza and Davis realizing their childhood feelings for each other never went away. While Daisy and Aza continue trying to figure out what happened to Russell Pickett, Davis and Aza start to fall in love. While all of this sounds like a story you’d expect to end with the criminal being caught and for a young couple to be happily-ever-after, the possibility of this ending is often interrupted by Aza’s OCD, which often speaks in Italics on the page. These intrusive thoughts frequently convince Aza that she could be infected with the bacteria C. diff and will die from it, unless she takes measures into her own hands by liberally applying hand sanitizer and even drinking it. These thought spirals that happen to Aza take over the novel, as they take over her life. The way Green illustrates this anxiety in the story helps to make it clear to any reader what it might be like to deal with a mental disability like this. He brings attention to a disorder that affects millions globally. Yes, Aza’s OCD takes on a life of its own, yes, her anxieties get in the way of her relationships, her driving, and her physical health – but this is how it really works. As someone who deals with anxiety on a minor scale, I can understand what these thought spirals might feel like in their worst moments, but I can’t fully grasp the horror of being consumed by it. This is the beauty of Turtles: you can feel the panic Aza feels, you can understand why it is so handicapping. While Green has been celebrated before for his novels, I believe Turtles All the Way Down should place him a step above the rest. Its deeply personal nature makes it more moving and more sensational than even The Fault in Our Stars, in my opinion. I would strongly encourage anyone to read this. If you struggle with your own anxiety, you could find something cathartic in the story. If you love someone who has these struggles, it might give you a better understanding of what it’s like. Either way, go get the book, find somewhere cozy, get your tissues, and be ready to read it once, then start right over again from the beginning. I promise you, it’s worth it.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Jefferson chapter.