Were you aware that on average, nearly 20 people per minute are victims of physical violence by an intimate partner in the United States? 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence within their lifetime and it is most common among women between the ages of 18-24. Domestic violence is an issue that impacts all people regardless of their race, ethnicity, nationality, age, religion, sexual orientation, gender, economic status or ability. Domestic violence is abuse, or a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over a partner. It can come in forms of psychological, sexual, emotional, economical or physical in nature.
A cycle usually comes with abuse in relationships. It begins with the incident; any type of abuse that occurs. Next is the tension building. This involves the abuser starting to get angry, abuse may begin, the victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm, tension becomes too much, and the victim will feel like they are “walking on egg shells.” After the incident and the tension building comes the making-up phase. The abuser may apologize for the abuse, or if not, the victim will reach out to the abuser anyway. Usually, the abuser will promise that it will never happen again, or may even blame the victim for causing the incident to happen. Sometimes, the abuser will deny that the event occurred or claim that the partner is exaggerating, and it was not as bad as she/he is making it seem. The last stage of the cycle is the “honeymoon,” or the calm phase. This is when no abuse is occurring now and promises that were made during the “making-up” phase may be met here. Allowing the victim to believe that the abuse is over and will not happen again. Gifts can also be given during this honeymoon stage. Then, it happens all over again. This abuse cycle can happen hundreds of times when two people involve themselves in an abusive relationship and each stage can last a different amount of time in a relationship. It can take up to a few hours to an entire year for the cycle to complete.
Take a second and ask yourself if you or anyone that you know is in an abusive relationship. Do you ever feel afraid of your partner, feel that you cannot do anything right for him/her, must avoid certain topics to avoid making your partner angry? Do you see belittling behavior in your partner (the abuser)? Belittling behavior includes humiliating or yelling at you, criticizing you and putting you down, see you as property or sex object rather than a person? If you know somebody who is a victim of domestic violence, you must be careful with the approach. When speaking with a victim do not blame them, pry, tell them what they need to do or share their story with others. That will only break their trust. When speaking with a victim it is necessary to know where to direct them for help, be ready for a range of emotions, and believe them about everything! It is not the time to criticize your friend.
If you or someone you know is the victim of domestic violence, please seek help at your local counseling center or shelter.