Throughout the pandemic, my anxiety has risen due to being stuck at home and trying to balance the different parts of my life without my friends. More than anything though, I miss my boyfriend.
My boyfriend graduated in December, so I have seen him very sparingly ever since. He lives almost two hours away, so he did not come by much before the stay-at-home order. Now, along with the fact that he has a job, I do not see him at all. The last time I saw him was in February.
Due to his busy schedule, we do not talk much either. This has played into my anxiety, as well, making me think that I did something wrong. While I know that is crazy, it is hard to be this far from him. It felt like we became distant.
Though we still love each other, things feel more than a little adrift. Even though I like being alone, I also hate being alone. I don’t think it makes sense, but my feelings and emotions have always been more than a little awry.
Some days I will feel positive and fine with our situation, taking it in stride. Other days I will panic and become on edge that things are going terribly. I get scared that he no longer likes me. I think of bringing this up to him often, only to back out of it due to thinking he will be weirded out.
I know I am not the only one going through this, and many days I feel selfish for complaining, but I need to speak about it. I need to stop overthinking it all by myself.
Maybe this post will let others know they aren’t alone in the boat, and that it is okay to be worried, but not to letit rule their life. Things will be better eventually and we will see the ones we care about again. Patience is a hard thing to have, but it will figure itself out in the end.
Now if only I can stop screaming internally about everything else.