I can not believe that you are gone. I knew you were getting old, but I still did not think it would be so soon. The signs were all there, but it really did not feel real to me. It will not feel real to me until I go home for spring break. When I see your bed gone and you nowhere in sight, maybe I will finally believe it.
I remember when we first decided to get you. We just came back from visiting Disney World. I was nine years old. We still had Jenny, who was actually your half-sister, but we had lost Grace not too long before. I was ecstatic to have you. You were such a cute puppy.
We liked to tease you a lot. You were not the smartest dog around, but you were one of the sweetest. You loved to go hunting with Dad, but most of all, you liked to cuddle with stuffed animals. They were your babies, especially your duck. We have so many pictures of you with that duck.
You were different from Jenny. You got along with our cat. Jenny and Tigger were not friends, but you cuddled with her. When we lost Tigger a few years ago, you were lost. You lost your best friend.
Even as you and Jenny were getting older, you still acted like a puppy. You were probably a nuisance to Jenny, just like all little sisters are to their big sisters. Like I am to Taylor. When Jenny died, that is when you started showing signs of old age.
Cysts are normal in English Springer Spaniels. That is what the vet told us. He said yours did not bother you so we left it, even when it grew. We just joked and named it “Fred.” Fred was just a part of the family. The vet was right; he never did bother you.
When we brought Gus and Baylee home, you were curious about them and liked to play with them, but you were getting old. You had arthritis now and could not hunt anymore. Your ears, long and curly, were getting stinky. I was off at college so I saw your change in shocking increments.
Your last few months were the worst. You could not jump onto the couch anymore and you were having problems walking. When “Fred” finally started to seep and bleed, I had a bad feeling about things.
When Mom randomly texted me saying she was going to bring me home for the weekend, I felt my heart drop. I knew that Monday you were going into the vet for surgery. She told me she was sure you would make it through, but I knew why she was bringing me home.
I think you knew, too. You let me cuddle you. something you did not enjoy a lot. When I said goodbye to go back to school you gave me kisses and love. I tried not to cry.
When Monday came and Mom sent me the text, I immediately burst into tears. Fred had been bothering you, but because we ignored it, you lived two extra years. Your cyst was cancer and it spread. There was nothing they could do.
I miss you so much. As I write this, tears are stinging my eyes. Even if you were sometimes silly and got in the way, you were my baby and I loved you. Gus and Baylee will never replace you because you were one of a kind.
I hope you are with me even now. If I could, I would give you so many butt scratches. They were your favorite.
Goodbye, Moe. Give love to all of the others for me.
Moe Bella
2007-2020