For the past two years, I have known I was asexual. Though I am not fully out with everyone in my life, I still get a lot of questions regarding the topic. The following article covers the frequently asked questions, but of course, my thoughts are different than other asexuals. Everyone has a different story.
How can you be asexual if you date?
Asexuality is about sexual attraction, not romantic attraction. You can be in love with someone without being sexually attracted to them. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now, I love him with all of my heart.
There is a difference between sexuality and romance, though this can be hard for some to comprehend. People can be aromantic, which means they don’t hold romantic attraction towards others. I am not that, however. I am biromantic, so in certain situations, I may just say I’m bisexual to stop from more questions.
Does being asexual mean you will never have sex?
It depends on the person. Some asexuals will, whether it is for the experience or after having a bond with someone for a long time, though some categorize that as demisexual. Personally, I’m not sure. It does not really interest me, but I don’t care if other people have sex. All the power to them.
How does your boyfriend stay knowing you’re asexual?
Because he loves me, I guess. If anything stresses me out, it’s the idea that I am being selfish for not wanting to sleep with him. We have talked countless times about it, but he reassures me that he wants me and not my body. “Even if we never have sex, I still love you,” he says.
When it comes to having children one day, that is another worry, but I think we can figure things out. For now, it feels like we will probably adopt if we stay together.
How do you know you’re asexual?
Because I’ve never looked at a person and wanted to sleep with them. I have never thought farther than wanting someone’s love and affection. The thought of anything sex related grosses me out. I did not know what asexuality was until a few years ago, and I have not looked back since.
How are asexuals oppressed?
People tell us that we are being prudes and that once we have sex we will be fine. Sex is a natural process and many of us feel wrong and abnormal for not being interested in it. We also get people that tell us asexuality is not human nature because we cannot asexually reproduce, which is probably one of the dumber things we could hear. We never claimed we could asexually reproduce, we just have a lack of a sex drive.
How would I know if I was asexual?
You’ll just know. Sexuality is very fluid and your feelings can change over time. You just have to let yourself figure it out. Your feelings now can be different in the future. Just relax, it is totally okay to be unsure.
Again, not all asexuals feel the same way because we are all different people. The answers above are custom to me, but others may have similar or totally different thoughts. Being asexual does not mean you are broken. No matter your sexuality and romantic attraction, you are you and that makes you great!