9 Reasons Why You Absolutely Should NOT Watch Crazy Rich Asians

1) Too many Asians. Like, this is America. Get with the program.

 

2) Badass characters are annoying---*especially* when they're women.

 

3) Chinese is an ugly language. No one wants to hear that shit on screen.

 

4) You're on a diet. So all the mouthwatering food in the movie is a little too much. (I guess this one actually makes sense)

 

5) Seeing so many attractive Asian men on one screen will shatter your world view... maybe your "preferences." Who knows.

 

6) You're not Asian, so how could this movie be even remotely relevant?

 

7) Ew, lavish party scenes. Americans are totally not into those.

 

8) Too many feels. I cried seven times in a full theater. I guess that is kinda embarrassing...

 

9) You're cheap. There's no way in hell you could afford to spend 3 Starbuck Lattes on a movie.