10. When You Fall, You Stand and Keep Strutting
As much as we hate to admit it, sometimes we fail, but our failures do not define us – our actions do. When life gets hard, we want to give up or take a break, but it’s best to go forward. Go forward with a fierceness only a woman can conjure, because when we fall we come back from it with a vengeance. We stand tall, put on our best heels, and we take care of business. Women fight for what they want, and strut like we own the universe.
9. You Can Take A Joke
At some point, you must acknowledge that life just happens, and sometimes it is funny. I pity the girl who cannot laugh at an embarrassing or awkward situation, especially if she is at the focus of it. I know a woman who went to a party and could not dance with a man without feeling out of place – I’m not saying it was me. Instead of reacting gravely, she laughed long and hard. It was a humorous situation, and she knew she was not the only woman at the party who felt that way. If there is one thing I know in my twenties, it is that life is sweeter and more exciting with a good sense of humor.
8. You Believe in Something Bigger Than Yourself
Most people spend their lives thinking only of what is happening in the moment, or what they desire. It is too easy to let faith fall in the face of frivolity, and sometimes we forget to pray. This may not be for every person, but I personally find it never fails. No matter who you are, where you come from, or what our situation is, giving yourself over to something bigger than you is the purest form of faith. Praying is simply having a conversation with whoever you believe in. My religion may not be the same as yours, but I believe we all talk to the same person, or people – they just go by a different name. When we pray, it is our personal connection with that higher power. It is a great comfort. It is a relief. It is security wrapped in a moment of vulnerability. It can make you feel less alone and more grounded in this world. For all the women in the world – in the universe, if you have faith, you have a strong foundation to move forward in life and truly live.
7. Heartbreak Has Made You Stronger
Rare is the woman whose heart is untouched by sorrow and pain. When I think of heartbreak, I initially think of lovers. I think of surrendering to romance, to seduction, and being with another soul – only to have your love go sour. I then think of other types of heartbreak. I think of tarnished trust between family and friends. I think of being hurt and abused by people who are supposed to support and care for you. This is a hard truth to take ladies, but a woman can have her heart broken many ways, many different times, by many different people. That said, she can always recover. We are so strong. Personally, with my own heartbreak, I found mending my mangled heart and moving on excruciating. It was not as painful as having my heart broken, but getting over it, and forgiving the person who hurt you is grim. Pain, hard as it is to endure, builds upon our strength. We are innately powerful and created to sustain ourselves through love. When we treat pain and suffering with love, we get love in return. The scars a woman develops over a lifetime are not to be treated with pity or sympathy, because they are a badge of honor – of her conviction to spin honey out of heartache. This is where we gain prosperity, and an overwhelming wisdom and joy. Never forget that.
6. You Nurture Quality Relationships, and Relinquish Toxic Relationships
The best part about being a woman, is being surrounded by other amazing women. We feed each other’s souls on a fundamental level, and that compliments our growth. Quality girlfriends will feel like family and will love you until the end of time. There is no compensating for a group of women who are intelligent, fierce, driven, ambitious, talented, and warm. For those of us who have them we are grateful, and for those of use who do not, we crave them constantly. We live in an era when women are just as likely to help build us up, as they are to try and take us down. Whatever the reason, the modern woman must know the difference between who her real girls are, and who needs to go.
I have three easy ways to distinguish between the two. First, real friends are lifelong and hold your heart as if it were their own. They are the ones who are around longer than a season and are not afraid to call you out. These women are honest with you, because they enjoy the best of you. If something is wrong, they do not lie or ignore signs of distress. These women want you to continue to grow and evolve into a glorious woman and will not accept you turning into anything else. Second, real girlfriends are kind, thoughtful, and compassionate. They will love on you, as you do them. This is not to be taken for granted. This connection is practically sacred and does not happen with just anyone. A true girlfriend is someone you would cry for, simply because they are in pain, and they would do the same for you. Empathy and compassion are never at a loss in this relationship. Lastly, and most importantly, you make each other better by being in each other’s lives. In any relationship, there is a give and take, you should bring out the best in each other, and challenge each other. A true friendship is not boring. It is a journey between two souls who were blessed in finding each other. A true friend is someone you love and are grateful for. The sentiment is always mutual, unlike with a false friendship.
A friend who proves untrue, unreliable, and unresponsive, is not a real friend. This relationship will not last, because this person will only be in your life for a season. That does not mean they were not of value to you at the time. Perhaps they taught you an important lesson, or were around for as long as you needed them to be. Every person in our lives serves a purpose, even if we do not know why. Temporary relationships are signified by a lack of trust and understanding. Trust in someone extends to how you feel about them personally. Would you reveal your secrets to them? Is their faithfulness in keeping your confidence questionable? In a vulnerable situation, are they protective of you? You also have to think about reliability responsiveness. Reliability is knowing without a doubt this person is going to come through in any situation. If they say they are going to be somewhere, they do not flake on you. If you need them for something they show up. The last quality is responsiveness. This is has to do with how the two of you get along. Two people who respond to each other do not have to try for a relationship to work. You have met people and known immediately if you connected with them or not. If being with someone feels like treading through quicksand, you can let that one go. A great friend is not someone you have to force yourself to be with, or force them to be with you.
5. You Celebrate Other Women and Yourself
Let’s talk about boundaries. When it comes to lifting someone up, there are none. This is a fun subject, because women can be mean. We are brilliant and complicated, two lovely qualities we respect and admire in each other. In this age of social media, it is simple to see all the women in the world hating, bashing, and competing with one another, but I see more than that. I see women coming to the defense of women they do not know. I see women breaking through their shells to speak and live out loud for what they want and believe in. I see feminists fighting and winning for all of us. I see women who are bold. I see a multitude of races and cultures. Women who fight for all women regardless of the social or political consequences are dangerously divine. We need each other, and we are our biggest support group. When we celebrate and support other women, we celebrate and support ourselves.
4. You Dream Big and Work Towards It
Laugh long and hard at anyone who has ever said you cannot do something. The audacity is enough to make me gag. There are two truths I need to highlight. The first, is that sometimes the people closest to you will try to shut you down, often before the rest of the world has the opportunity. The second, is that this world is built on people dreaming, and working to make dreams reality. No one can improve or get anywhere in life without a fantasy. A fantasy is a dream that has yet to pass into the real world. It is not inherently an impossible feat. For anyone who has ever fantasized, I salute you. Sometimes overcoming doubt can be harder than reaching a dream made reality. I am a firm believer that if you work hard and dream big, you can do what the nonbelievers deem impossible. You must want your dream more than any other outcome and commit yourself to making it a reality. That is when you will prevail. Hopefully by this time, you can resist rubbing it in their faces.
3. You’re Bold
If you are reading this, and you have ever stopped yourself from doing something daring, or out of the ordinary for you, take notes. I feel like as women we are obligated to be weird. Hear me out. Unlike our gender opposites, we do not have many restrictions on self-expression in spite of the backlash we may receive. We have makeup, fashion, social media, politics, and art at our disposal. We can pose naked on Instagram or Paper Magazine and just say “Happy Tuesday!” Women in this age are more powerful and influential than we have ever been. We still have a long way to go, especially in other countries, but we would be lying if we said we were not sickening. We have our hands in everything, from the arts, to politics, business, and academia. Naturally, when a woman says she cannot do something, or pull something off, I look at her funny. If we did not have the Rihanna’s of the world, or the Oprah’s, or the Lady Gaga’s what would we do? What would we do without the Frida Kahlo’s, or the Michelle Obama’s of the world? All of these women are visionaries, and they are famous because they challenge the norm. They are talented, intelligent, and unapologetically bold. Why else do we look up to them? I challenge you to be bold. I dare you to defy social norms. If you do not, you are playing safe, and no one ever made the cover of a major magazine by being boring.
2. You Are Khaleesi
Unless you live under a rock, you know what I mean. She is a conqueror and a warrior – two attributes every woman needs. I am not going to discuss the gender pay gap, or politics, or the conversation around feminism. I will say, we are capable of conquering what we covet. It may take time and sacrifice, but if we are strong, smart, and savvy, it can and will happen. Just remember to stand tall, and never back down from a challenge.
1. You Embrace your Body and Live Your Life
One of the hardest things about being a woman, is the constant body image struggle. We spend half our time absorbing content that makes us question ourselves, or each other, and the other half trying to achieve an appealing aesthetic. The problem is, we can harm ourselves if we let our insecurities reign over our common sense. Every woman has her own wiles. She is a unique creation all her own, not something to emulate or obsess over. We have to do better for ourselves and each other. When we accept our natural beauty, we embrace our power in all its glory. We shut down negativity. It takes time, but eventually we can all get to that place. That is when we start living. I can look at a girl and see her physical characteristics, I can see her lineage that her mother and father passed on to her. I can say she is beautiful without trying to mimic her heritage. That is stunning to me. We are all so different. Instead of trying to emulate each other, I would rather respect and celebrate each other. I want us to lift each other up, love, and live out loud. I want us all to be free of the pressures and impediments of chasing shallow beauty. That is the goal, and we would all better for reaching it.
*All Images courtesy of free-images and pexels.com*