On the surface you would never be able to tell I have anxiety. I have a good GPA, I’m very active in my sorority, work part time, smile and wave to those I know and have an overall happy relationships with my friends and family. That’s the thing about mental illnesses. You often would never know someone has it unless they disclose it to you. It isn’t something that’s as obvious as having a broken leg, but it is something that needs to be taken just as seriously as a physical ailment. You are surrounded by people who can be thriving but are still battling to leave their bed in the morning, trying to not overanalyze every aspect of their lives and to not be overwhelmed by normally manageable tasks. There’s often a stigma that having a mental illness is something to be ashamed of and means that someone is emotionally disturbed. This is so far from the truth, and as anyone can suffer from a mental illness, it’s not limited to any specific type of person. Rather, it can and does affect the people surrounding you everyday.Via Unsplash
For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me. Like many people, I thought I was crazy as the thoughts inside my head would tell me I was never good enough, that no one liked me and that I was a failure. I would over analyze every situation, whether it be the smallest encounter with a stranger or something ludicrous like doubting that my best friend actually wanted to talk to me. My thoughts were irrational to say the least. I’d sometimes be awake all night in a cycle of negative thoughts. Unfortunately, it wasn’t limited just to night time. I could be perfectly fine during the day focusing on schoolwork one moment, or hanging with friends, but the next I could be back inside my own head over analyzing everything. I would suddenly be consumed with an overwhelming sense of panic and self-hatred. I’d convinced myself that all the irrational thoughts were true and that every terrible scenario in my head would come true. While everyone experiences anxiety and panic attacks differently, I would frequently go from being perfectly fine one moment to being unable to control my own body or mind the next.
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For someone who doesn’t understand anxiety, it’s like being on a crashing train. You want to stop the train from crashing and you want to stop the panic of being on a crashing train, but you aren’t the conductor. Instead, you feel hopeless and overwhelmed by it all. It’s a popular misconception that one can just “fix” their anxiety. Managing anxiety is a complicated process that differs depending on the person and the situation. It took a long time for me to realize I wasn’t crazy and to openly talk to my closest friends and family members about my anxiety. I didn’t realize before that I didn’t need to feel ashamed or feel stupid because I had viewed my anxiety as a burden. Once I realized I couldn’t continue to try and deal with the panic attacks and general anxiety on my own I went and saw a psychiatrist. This is another thing that I had previously convinced myself I didn’t need. I told myself I was weak for needing a medication for not being able to “suck it up” and handle it on my own. I didn’t realize that anxiety could mean having something chemically wrong in your brain. Again, everyone’s anxiety is different, but what a lot of people don’t realize is that anxiety can be caused by chemical imbalances that cause the sense of self-consciousness and other symptoms. It isn’t something that’s a flaw or that someone needs to fix about themselves. Rather, it is something one has to live with everyday.
While I still live with anxiety, I and so many others have days where to start to spiral. I’ve learned how to try and manage it. The first thing I needed was to truly confide in my family and close friends. I am truly thankful for them and the support system they’ve put in place. Having people that understand what’s happening to you and that can be there for you to confide in or to just be there when your anxiety is taking over is one of the most comforting feelings. While the medication helps slow down the negative feelings inside my head and fire up the positive feelings, there are also other coping strategies I had to put in place. I had to learn to really focus on being able to control my emotions and differentiate between detrimentally irrational thoughts and rational ones.
While anxiety can’t be controlled, it helps to be able to realize when it’s the anxiety doing the talking versus what I know to rationally be true. It also helps to try to remain calm and stay positive. Try to “fight back” as hard as it can be instead of letting the anxiety take over. Sometimes my anxiety still prevails throughout the day but trying to stay positive, focusing on accomplishing towards small tasks, having conversations with friends and looking forward to things can reign in the anxiety to a certain extent. Constantly feeling like a failure or feeling like the people close to you hate you are some of the worst overwhelming feelings one can experience.
What’s important is to realize that you can’t control these thoughts, all you can do is try to have a support system and coping mechanisms in place. While you’re still going to have anxiety, it’s important to remember at the end of the day to persevere, and that is something that’s uncontrollable. It doesn’t make you weaker. In fact, dealing with a mental illness makes someone so much stronger as you’re dealing with everyday stressors and aspects of your life on top of coping with a mental illness.
It cannot be stressed enough that anxiety isn’t simply a part of someones personality or something they can control. Anxiety isn’t something to be approached as if it’s a burden or something someone needs “to stop doing.” Instead, if you are suffering with anxiety or know someone that is, try your best to be patient. Often, someone’s worst fear is that they’re going to be annoying or bother someone because of who they are and because of their anxiety. While anxiety can be crippling at times, it doesn’t mean it overshadows who someone is as a person. They are still the person you know: your friend, your family member, your classmate. They can still excel and be passionate and a total #GirlBoss, despite everything that they are going through. If anything, coping with anxiety in addition to all the stresses of college makes someone all the more tough and they should never be ashamed.