You Can Be a Feminist and Have Your Mans, Too

I thought falling in love would make me less of a feminist. After a devastating breakup, it took me a while to pick the pieces back up. I became determined to never feel like that again. I became dedicated to creating my future, focusing solely on school and potential prospects that would further my career. 

I eventually started seeing someone again and he was fantastic. Sweet, caring, invested in my wants and needs. Yet, I kept him at arm's length. I was afraid If I let him too much into my life and started to rely on him too much, I’d undo all the progress I’d made when it came to being confident and independent. I thought if I became too invested in him, or vice versa, I’d lose sight of who I was and somehow have to sacrifice the future I was building. I started becoming distant, needing constant space, and pushing him away. I told myself I was too busy for a relationship, this was the time to focus on my classes and my internship regardless of how happy me made. 

I went through this emotional turmoil for a few weeks where we were still together, but I was keeping him on the brink. Then one day I realized, I was believing one of the biggest lies women are told: you can’t have it all. We’re often taught to believe that you have to choose one or the other. You’re told you can either be successful and have your career or you can fall in love and go that route. I realized the key to success isn't choosing, but instead being open to the opportunities in front of you and living your life to the fullest. 

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I have someone who supports me and putting my career first even if it means I don’t always have time for date night. He understands that some days I’m busy for 17 hours at a time and the only communication we’ll have is a quick exchange of ‘I love you’s. He also knows that I am just as invested in his future as he is mine. I learned that part of being emotionally strong is opening yourself up to intimacy. I now have a great internship, great job prospects, and a great relationship. While I know I am fully capable of being happy and loving myself on my own, I choose to be happy with him. He compliments a part of me in a new and exciting way I didn’t know was possible before. 

Being a feminist doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your right to happiness or wanting a man in your life. You can have your independence and have your man too. You both have your own lives, but you also have the parts of your lives that come together in perfect harmony. There's nothing wrong with wanting someone who makes you feel giddy and that you can also bare the emotional depths of your soul to. Ace your classes, build your career, but don’t neglect your own happiness in the process. There is no “one shoe fits all” guide for being in a relationship but I do know this: you know your own needs best, follow them and ignore what everyone has been telling you about what you should or shouldn't do. 

Don't forget to chase your dreams and follow your hearts collegiettes!