It is time we have an honest conversation. Education in the middle of a global pandemic has been difficult to say the very least. Not only are college students and students in general expected to cope, but there is also another expectation that we should shield our true perspectives and how this pandemic has impacted us. In terms of centering marginalized folks in this demographic (as well) there are stigmas to be broken. As a college student myself, I have found these times to be increasingly mind-blowing and indicative of the lack of empathy and gaslighting extended in order to undermine and negate the experiences of others. The concerns I have are about the present, the future and every aspect in between. There is simply no going back to normal.
Next month would mark a year since I tightened up my dorm room, washed my sheets and had everything in position when I would return from Spring Break. Four months later, the sole reason I went back to Fairfax was to collect my things. And for that moment, everything felt frozen in time; during the continuation of Black genocide, the raging pandemic and the state of uncertainty, my side of the room was indicative of what once was and how such was gone. Nothing to be done or said but to just keep it pushing. While being grateful to be surrounded by my folks, there was also the question of what would lie ahead. The idea of pandemic trauma, stress and anxiety is something that I believe also manifests itself in college students. Yet this semester, I have noticed that professors have increasingly upped the ante with a lack of regard to how these times are life-altering for any student. I have been silent about my true feelings concerning this, until now.
I Have No Idea What I’m Doing.
Like many folks, there is a sense of getting by and doing your best yet not necessarily feeling or knowing where any of that is going and I have very similar moments. As a college student, society tends to not only market to students which jobs they should go into but also push for us to be marketable and assets to capitalist modes of production. They also decentralize the necessity of support and accessibility for creativity and marginalized folks. Many tend to believe that direction and figuring yourself out during these times is easy, when in actuality, it pushes folks to truly question what is happening? Where do they fit in at this moment? Is it even a moment? There are harrowing times when you are on a ship yet having no sense of navigation, balance or re-assurance. Trust and believe that it is okay to not have all of the answers right now. Living your life and trying your hardest are wins in my book. Not only have you been putting your trauma aside, when was the last time you had the chance to center yourself and breathe? Amidst the classes, the jobs or other aspects of life? This is not to be taken lightly and it is not your fault that we and others are surrounded and led by self-interest, competition and negligence by all levels of government and the privileged. To re-emphasize, there is no “right” way to go about handling a global pandemic especially when you are having a million facets thrown at you, all at once. Make no apologies for not knowing or for acknowledging that what you’re experiencing is difficult, new and uneasy.
Dismantling the “Strong” Trope.
“You’re so strong.” Okay but what part of that constitutes disrespect and pushback from others? What I have noticed in classroom zoom environments is the usage of argumentation and theory in order to justify “middle-ground” and bystander tendencies in order to dance around an issue. It must be made very clear that there is an under-estimation of what marginalized students have to experience at the hands of their peers and professors when there are intentional negations made in order to further divert from the truth and calls towards accountability. This is not the time for picking apart each aspect of what’s been said in order to fit your narrative. In a time centered in so much trauma, the last thing needed is for folks to believe that what we are experiencing is just business as usual. People are in pain, there is continuous trauma and a lack of support. Not only are these moments physically and mentally isolating, but there also isn’t enough listening or practicing community care through check-ins, support or dedicated actions. Imagine if someone considered an injustice against your community to solely be something in 2020 (for example). Then many go back to not talking about it or being performative. Wouldn’t you feel uneasy or “off?” As Black women, we are told that we are strong all the time but the point is, we shouldn’t have to be. Marginalized folks should not have to be the sole ones speaking out and doing the work. What does it say if you believe that those expectations are acceptable? Obviously, there is no perfect scenario but the excuses for the lack of safe spaces for marginalized communities need to stop. Since starting this semester, there have been times where I felt physically and emotionally drained after what seemed like an endless defense of refusing to understand the importance of what change looks like, which isn’t linear to any of us. Or the expectation that I have to explain every single thing I state in order to avoid a situation or to not have my words manipulated. One word: exhaustion.
“Turn On Your Cameras.”
I am calling it out on the carpet. There is absolutely no reason why many Zoom sessions are built and designed to drain folks of their time yet offer them nothing in return. If you are an organizer, student leader or someone in general, please consider ways to incorporate more uplifting and supportive aspects within your events. We all know Zoom fatigue is alive and well so if you choose to take that route, you owe it to the participants to not waste their time. Don’t make a two-hour session out of what could have been sent in an email. Aside from this, keeping up with your friends and peers outside of these environments would be wise. Everyone has a time and schedule. At the end of the day, we do not know everyone’s situation (as we shouldn’t) therefore we must be mindful and support them. Part of that support is recognizing that accommodations are essential as well as putting into practice empathy and communication. We get caught up in the logistics and business in terms of what organizations and groups we are a part of to the point where we do not center those around us. Zoom, in my opinion, has become this desensitizing process which is interesting to say the very least. Long story short, respect people’s time and know that email addresses are there for a reason.
A New Era.
This road will get more tricky and vast. I have no idea what lies ahead in the future but I acknowledge my own privileges. However, the goal is to hold myself accountable and also realize that there are times where I am feeling some type of way and that is okay. This week (for example) was challenging and one flop to another. Never feel that you are failing or not aspiring to the highest level. It is a mistake to measure every aspect of life on productivity, anyway. You are human therefore, you need to support and love yourself more. Part of healing and connecting is based on the fact that those processes are not the same for every single person. Go about it in your own way. But, do not forget that you are not alone. We have to be there to support and amplify while not negating anyone’s humanity. We need to also stop placing pressure on our marginalized peers. Your privilege did not start in 2020 and it did not end on January 1, 2021, either. There is work to do but you must normalize not saying you are “okay” when you are not. Center people and their emotions as well as what they have to encounter. There is not a handbook on how to handle a global pandemic so know that you are doing just fine. You would be surprised how much picking up the phone and checking on a friend can go a long way. You owe it to yourself and to communities to recognize and act off of the basis that we are in this for the long haul. Be there, listen, amplify and never be prideful in the fact that we are learning, growing and doing our best. Be kind to yourself and be kind to others.